The Cedarville Herald, Volume 44, Numbers 1-26

i Now time-r-when Select from— , rued- extraordin- fen and ied through-1 if money sale. JLE OR kf*ok ES NEY ECONDff GOMbs m u $M * « 8 3,70 4 M 4M Wow dw til m m tbn* BWataxht rokMSicSo WGIiqHpn* ERCO, ■ im iS t*. u m & . IRONIES o f l if e a n pO M im sO N made a talk to the * Commercial club, on ‘Buslnesa 1 * olwenrefl the retired mats cnantv"an(i the next day hla store wa» dosed by the sheriff,” , “Life Is full of such ironies, doggone it," said the hotel, •'keener, u% o t f down jokes are being played on ttfc' best nf ns, at* most every day, and I often "won. . der what sort of ^^HS h S k T an evli genius *|a behind it all, “I used to know a man who was a t wonderful horse brekker* He used to give public ex- hlbltiona, taming , mamkllllngbrutes, end the way he could make tliCm eat .* «nt pf his hand, half an hour after being formally introduced to them, was a sight wprth going miles to see. .He* ‘ always had Immense crowds at his ex­ hibitions, and It seemed that his future W (18 assured. But one day he 'was loading ground a livery stable, Just because he liked the atmosphere ot * "the place, and an old, .weary hack horse readied out a lohg, crooked limb, handed |iim onewithnt, and broke'Ills leg. s "He bad to go to a hospital for a while, and when he came -out, his oc­ cupation was gone. He was as good a horse breaker as ever, 'but -people ‘wouldn't pay their hard-earned money’ to sqe the exploits of % Conquering «ero who had been'manliahdled by on ' old hack horse.. .You must admit that «; there was some sardonic intelligence back of such „a Joke as that. If the man had been hooked by a cow, dr run over by a traction engine, or, chawed -Up by an honest watchdog, it wouldn't ‘ Ahave ^rart his renbwn and prestige. »- But, no I A blamed old relic of a horse ,, had ,to put him ont of business. , "A long time ago, a very Important ,, case was tried In- an Irish court. The people Were greatly, wrought up over It, ^and the courtroom was crowded. When It was announced that the jury was ready With a verdict, the judge addressed the audience, saying >he knew there was much feeling over the case, but the hall of justice was no place for a display of It, and If there waS a least sign of disturbance when . . ^ the verdict was made known, the gull- * ty parties would be arrested. ; "The jury brought in its verdict; and the ‘people heard It In silence; but just then- a whole-doggone .gallery, with P about a thousand people. In it, came crashing down, and the noise could * have been heard forty miles out at sea, . After' the judge's solemn warning * against a disturbance, the fall of that 1gallery has always seemed to me like 'li •>> painful joke, > "A long time ago, I was called upon * to address a.cro yd of voters on the living Issues of the day, and I framed up a ‘ speech that'would have -been^a credit to any orator* I swiped It from Bascoe Ccnkllng, and I have always. ......Insisted tfiaThe was onebf the great* est Of American dpbakers. The’ house* was full of refined and cultured peo­ ple, and I waSdetermined to make the hit of my .life, I wns Just getting warmed up to my work, when the lights went out, ahd the ftal) Was "plunged In black darkness. There's nothing makes a man feel more Idiotic . than to have, the lights, shut off at stich a timO. The women in the audi­ ence were giggling, and the men haw­ hawing." It seemed funny to everybody but me., "I thought I knew where the little table was, that held the pitcher of ice water, and 1 moved toward It, anff fell ’over a chair, and flattened my nose against the edge of a piece of scenery. * When the lights were flashed on. again, as suddenly ns they went out the audience behtfld the Silver tongued orator on*his hands and knees, climbing slowly to his feet, and trying to mold his nose Into its origi­ nal shape, . “I never saw such a delirious crowd In thy life, Some of the women laughed themselves Into hysterics, and the fool men weren't much better. They never heard the balance of that oration, and the last part uras the beat" , Alliteration.' Alliteration occurs sometimes in the writings of the ancients, bat not. It Is supposed, designedly, as they regard­ ed all echoing o f Sound as a rhetorical blemish.' Cicero, to the “Offices," has this phrase*. “Sensim sine sensn aetas . ritoescU;" ‘ and Virgil In the “Ae* peld," has many marked alliterations. —William Mathews. ■■- — ’---I IIT It if - t Tv-' -^ii' - , Try, Try Again. •TiOttarox was telling me that he has been trying for six months with­ out success to get a passage ld see.the battlefields of France," > i "Evidently the ‘Wind has Changed, He Spent two years- trying not to see them, with ’ success."— The American Legion Weekly.__ . * “K S 5 * Revenue. The internal revemie^btrreau, In the flscal year ended June 10 , made the greatest aunutU tax collection since its establishment in 1862. irritates the industrious. <W *e*n cy is f j Is Mcfaiog to tW woo £4C a msy* «u himself. - juniiry ,■ m m -- f-rr* ■ >. ****** and Topsplnhlnp 11 Chins, 2 S tm With which the LUCKY STRIKE CIGARETTE "F T The Professor’s ^‘Discovery” By FREDERICK CLARKE. i®< 1921, WtfRiern> Nevrspapwr Union, i ’ 1't‘Ofessor Snaitli entered the dining room with shinlug eyes and f\ beam­ ing smile; he seemed at pence with himself and all the world. His. wife,, . wim bud already tuken her seat at the table, looked at him ip surprise, “Why, Alfred!” she exclaimed, "Voii look as huppy as a boy, ' \Vhut has happened to you?” "Margaret,” announced- her hus­ band. "1 have made a discovery which will revolutionize the practice of sur­ gery." • , ; _ /‘K 0 w what do VOu know about surgery,- Alfred?” listed his,wife quiz­ zically, "It wm 'he tike your per­ petual motion machine, which was going to run'ljor ever—only yon forgot to provide a ‘ method of starting. It" “I own, Matilda, that, you. haye- hum—logic on yonr side in regurd to that—ha—matter,” answered tiie pro­ fessor, looking, at his wife benignantly over hfs, spectacles. But In this case I have actually tested my Invention upon myself, not once, but many times." ■ "Well, don't, forget your soup, Al­ fred,” answered Matilda Snaitb. “And nfter dinner Is over you Shall tell me ail about. It." •"ft m already a most remarkable discovery, my dear," began the pro- fes.<w>r. when the meal was ended. "It Is nothing less than a new anesthetic, f f;av« discovered a method of Induc­ ing artificial anesthesia by an entirely harmless.component prepared by' the and—ha—chemical .prepa­ ration of a drupe, or rather—hum— berry, which I have discovered grow­ ing in certain' waste places," Matilda Snalth listened with In­ creasing enthusiasm to <ty*r husband's exposition of his discovery. Ip spite ot » tendency to the discovery- of the commonpjuce. and an abSent-mlnded- nes® which was nothing Short of phe­ nomenal. Alfred Snaith, in ‘ his lonely bungalow situated at the edge, of the Maine forests,- had really given the ' worn some, jastonlshlng rllscoveries.- - Nop that he had turned his attention to Introducing an Improved method o ' anesthesia she was sure that be had. really discovered something which would jnake his name remem­ bered by a grateful posterity, <*0ur,ng the next few days Profes­ sor Snailh remained secluded in his laboratory. - “Mv dear." he announced one morn­ ing. "Dr. Rupert Griggs, the famous 8’ gebu, Is to pay* us a visit tomor­ row morning." Doctor Griggs was scheduled to ar­ rive op the 11 o'clock train the next morning, When the hired man had harnessed the pony to the buggy Ma­ tilda Snaitb, kfipeked at her’ husband's door, “Ate you coming, Atfred?" she called; but there'was no answer. "Dear Alfred,” she mused. . “He is so absorbed'In his work—well. I’ll drive down «to meet Doctor Griggs alone. He will understand—he knows Alfred." And, picturing her clever husband absorbed in his work, so that he -was unconscious of all external stimuli, she drove down to the station, and drove back an hour later, with the learned Doctor Origga at her side—a tall, spare man a with a black, busby beard, fils six feet af longitude with difficulty stowed away in the vehicle* They got out of the buggy, entered the house, and ascended the stairs. Outside her husband’s door Matilda Snaitb paused irresolute. , » "it is hard to arouse jjilm, doctor, when he is engaged in. his work," site s tf. "Perhaps you had better knock; your knuckles are stronger." Doctor Griggs stepped forward and heat a tattoo upon the door. "It’s L professor," he called* "Open l Open, 1 say I Snntth t Snalth I Snaith I" "Perhaps he hhS met with an ac­ cident," said (Mrs. Snaitli uneasily. "Oh. if he has taken too much of the anesthetic l We must arouse hinfl" " Doctor Griggs sent the door flying Inward. . Professor Snaith lay ymeonscicras Upon the floor. Doctor Griggs stooped Oyer0the un­ conscious man. He Was breathing stcntorlotisly. Beside him lay an empty vial, Doctor Griggs picked It Up and sniffed at lh Then lie turned to the Iftdv, smiling, "Not dead, but sleeping," he said softly, .Madam* your distinguished husband has invented blackberry brandy.” « 8 port Not Worth the Candle." "It's a po«£ sport that Is not worth the candle" Is from George Herbert's “JFacula Prudentum," A collection of ptotfchft dated idol, “which bad «► MHtred lei a shorter form m “OotlMd* tirt Pr*T*rfe*“ la IMO, ® « U u L « I Lxr TT** F J w a r d W ren . .Co- SPRINGFIELD’S LARGEST AND BEST DEPARTMENT STORE Crowded With the Most In Years Towards Its Half- { jgECAUSE of the immensityof thestocksandihefoehessofthequafities,Springfieldhasteenquick to‘realizewhatthesensationalpricesinthissalereallymean, Whenastorelikethisdeterminestosell pod merchandisemuchpheaper thaninferiorgradescanbe soldelsewhere, theanswercanbewritten inadvance. Wearedrivingforahalf-milliondollarincreaseinOurvolumeof businessandplantogetit byofferingthemostsensationalprices inhistory. *" - * ' 5 • r ■ , • * ’ ‘ * . , • / : 1 . Friday and Saturday W ill Be Curtain. Days " \ ' ‘ ' - - * t * s A • - A, ND we are not gping'Tx) Be^ih by bfferin,^ a, few specialiines of soiled goods to create an khpression. Every curtain in our stockes are included in this salei There is no limit to the amount you can buy and there are, ho reservations; or no re* . strictions; All kinds of curtains go at these reduced prices-- Filet Net Curtains,. Brussels Net Curtains, Irish Point Cur­ tains, Marqui|ette Curtains and Voile Curtains. : * } t ‘ f » ' ‘ t - $5.00 Curtains G6 at^., . . ............$3.95 * $15.00 Curtains Go at tV...... . $ 10 , 75 . $20,00 0tutai% Oo at . .......... ,$14.95 $26,00 Curtains Go at $17,95 iq ‘ $6.00 Curtains Go at"....... ....... $175 ’ $7.50 Cttriaius Go at $10'°0 0«rt4 P8 Go &t .$7.45 * $30,00 Qurtaitis GOiat , , , * , , , . . -$12150 Oart&fttt Go A t---- -------- .$8,9$ .J-7' .... ■* K We Never Sold Rugs So Fast I F THE_advertisei^who told the story-abont “marking 1the * watch up and then marking it down a^ain” rnnirl hav? Fm+ ii. - - # g ’’ could e but seen the piles upon piles of rugs that have "been literally car­ ried out of this store in the last few days, he would, in the fu­ ture, devote his space to shouting the praises of his own mer­ chandise instead of helping to sell the other fellow’s. * * * $1.75Linoleum $1.19 G ENUINE Cork,-Burlap backed. Linoleum,* in attractive .kitchen patterns; 4 yards wide. Worth $1.75. Special d*| | A Monday, yard ............................... . J ^ Former $125.00 Royal Wilton ' Rugs $ 7 3 * Just a few left. Some of them are. seamless. All arc* 9x12 ft. size. Splendid Oriental patterns. Former $125.00 Rugs —Monday at $75.00 Former $125.00 Axminster Rugs $ 7 5 Finest qnality, extra large Axxiinstcr Rugs, size 11.8x12 feet. A limited number to sell —early choice will be best Formerly $125.00;' Monday at $75.00 * $95.00 and $97.50 , Axminster Rugs . 5 0 $52.50 Seamless Brussels Splendid quality Axminster Rugs, tli* identical patterns that have^been spiting at $95.00 and $97.50. They are going fast at this price.. Choice , $49.50 Seamless Brussels Rugs in the 9x12 ft.-size that have been selling up to $52.00. This price, is foF Monday only. Tike your choice at $25.00 ■ J ■ *i - Paint Up Ancl Clean Up Now t . (j > Crystallac Beat Varnish Staifa on the noarket Light^and dark oak, Undercoat, green, mahogany, wilnut and natural. One can o f undercoat and -one •an o f varnish will make y ow floor like new. - Per Can $1.24 WM Paint Du-Pa-Co Flat Wall Paint in aR colors, every can guar> anteed. Per gallon * $ 3 .4 9 S House Paint « . ’ % ■ 4 . Wren’s special ready mixed f1Hou^e Paint for outside and in- Special o side work,cannot be beat. Every can is guaranteed; your money back if you want it. y Bed room t papers in light. dolors, including stripek and floral effects, matched with cut AH colors, ‘ y A per g a l l o n . < P * i o f " I out . borders. , . „, $2.94 r H , 1 0 Floor Ptdnt ' Wren’ s regular floor pain* m all colors. Every can guaranteed. Half gallon s ize .......$1.20 Gallon, size L ............*$2.39 Brushes AU Kinds, AH f e s , All 1 * Grades. Kalsomine Brushes, 40c up, Paint brashes, lOc to $3.00. Varnish brushes, 25e to $3.60,' Wall Paper brushes. 40o. GiveUsAChanceToFlgme OnYoin Printing. HoTroubleToEstimate ty / i ^ •*T“ * ? I + * +#*&+ *..