The Ohio Independent Baptist, April 2001

t :Bca.pti.~t The Newsletter Promoting Interdependence Within T he Ohio Association of Regular Baptist Churches Vol. 74 No. 2 April 2001 , l •o one plans on his or her marriage turning into a due l. We tend to labor under the notion that the rea lly big struggle is to get to the altar- to get the knot tied- to get the tourniquet around the finger and thus stop the circulation . Then we wi ll live ' 'happi ly ever after." Then the truggle will cea e. We tend to focus more on the wedding than the marriage. Such a na·ive approach to marriage can lead to disastrous results. The reality i that we all have the potential to tum our marriages into marriage-threatening duel That's what Isaac and Rebecca did ( ee Genesis 27: 1-13) . They certainly enjoyed an exotic and romantic start (Genesis 24: I - 26) but something went awry. They ended up pulling in two different di rection and dividing their family right down the middle. What are some of the forces, both internal and external , that can tum a marriage into a duel? For starters, think about the "big three" the world, the nc h, and the devil. That's right, all three work against our 1narriages. The world attacks our emotions (I John 2: 15-17). It appeals to us to love the wrong things. We tend to love things 1nore than people and self n1ore than others. In the n11dst of a pcrn1i $s i, c atrnosphere ~exua l ~tandards ~ecn, antiquated, since nothing is ab~o lutcly right or \\ 1 rong. The~ orld allure~ u~ to sel tishncs!). g1 ccd, and pride. And 1t all scen1s so innocuou~ ~ince everyone cl c seen, s to be on the l:>a rne bandwagon. 'fhc flesh attacks our will ( I{on1an~ 7: l ')_ 23). It appeals to u~ to n1akc v-1 ong choices. nde1 its sway \VC bccon1c "iclf– centcred and our ov-'n wor~l cncn1y. We look out just 101 •• o. l ' ' and ~hove everyone else to a n.:n1ute corner ol life ·rhe ·· J've got to be happy·' or " I've got to e: be ,ne' yndrome become a watchword. This innate selfishne swi ll readily de troy anymarriage. And Satan attack our mind (I Peter 5:8-9). He appeal to u to th ink wrong thought . He woo u to develop wrong per pectives of reality, to que tion other ' rea l motive , to doubt our own va lue and God' intention fo r ot1r lives. He de light to pit partner again t partner through comn1unication breakdown and mi under- tanding . He play on our vveakne e and u e them to hu1i one the other. H i deception can readily de troy our mamage. But think a 1non1ent beyond the "big three." Other forces can tun, our marriage in a duel a well. We a ll bring into marriage difference in background and training. Every fari-1ily i different in it alue structu re- n1oney, aving , food, clathing, friend , vacation , u e of leisure tin1c, etc. lt take con11nunication and tin1c to under tand such differences and then ro carve out a ne,v pattern of va lue in each fa1nily unit. We al o bring into n1arriagc difference · in pcrspecti ve and tcn1peran1ent. Per 'Onal– ity types arc rea l and the di ffcrcnccs can beco1nc aggravating. Intro crt · and ext rovert s can "bug" each other. Tho ·c who are "driver~" can drive the n1orc .. lai<l back" cn.1/y. Further, 1ncn and ,von1cn do con1c al lil'c differently. There 1s ~uch a thing a~ a fcn1inine and n1asculinc approach . f or cxan1pl c. what a car is to a n1an a hot1\C i~ to a \\I0111an . l)iffcrcncc!-1 can natural I, ar1 sc a~ to \vhcthc1 to "ipen<l the n1oncy on a c.:ar or the hou\e The"e n1a\culinc f't:1111nine di ff'crcnc.:c" an.: not \ in rul or carnal; they arc naturall 1 inherent 111 being i l n1an or av- on1an . J n 01hc1,, ord", our o~ n nornla I<.:) <:an th rcuti.:n ou , ht.1pp) n1arr1agc" W c ha,~ found the cnen1) ttnd 1t 1~ u~! Enough about dueling! We n1u t be rea li tic about the e negati ve force but we do not ha e to be pe ~ in1istic or defeati t . There i another whole po- ibility ueting. The reality i that \\'e all have the potential to tum our ,narriages into har,noniou duet ! 1 kno,v n1any couple aero Ohio \vho n1ake beautiful mu ic together. The ,vi\'e live in ubn1is- ion to their hu bands~ that i~\ they olunta,ily follow hi leadership and the) graciou. ly uppo,1 hi endeavor. . The hu band love their , ivc. a. Chri ·t lo, cd the Church and as they love their o,vn bodic . uch coup le · hn e lc,u11ed to con1plctc one another rather than to con1pcle ,, ith one another. They live out a beautiful sexual hun1ility in,, hich each adn1it~ hi~ or her need for the other spou ·e. The) arc right ,vith their Lord and ,vith each other. They each ''knO\\ their part" in the rnusical score and happil y Ii, t.: it out. uch a novel idea con1es ril!.ht out of ..... phcs ians 5: l X-33. Paul there teaches us that I-Joly pirit-cn1po,, ercd persons discover n real har1nony in their heart" psa ln1s. hyn1ns, and spiritual .;;ongs hun1 along 111 their inner being. raking th,ll to the next lc\c l. Paul !l:OC\ on lo teach that '- 11 o I y pirit-c1npo,, crcd partner" disco, er a real harn10n) in their hlH11C'-1. \\'hen\\ e arc lilied,, 1th the ' p1r1t Ile !ills out he,llt" ,tnd hon1cs ,, 1th harn1on) 1athc1 th,u1 c,1l'ophon~ 1\ ..;, in an 1 111u~1cal p1nduct11Jn, thl' kl'> 1-.. the ( 'onductor! .\II pla)l'r..;, n1u-..t kl'L'P the11 eye on I lt n1 ,tnd 1110, e ,lCL' lH·d1ng tn l l 1, direction. l lc c-..tabl1,hc" ou, p.11 t 11, thL' ""core" and I le '-IL'l" the p.tl 'c ll)I thL' rh) th111 . l{ c1 ng. lillcd ,, 1th thL' "'p111t 11nplil'" bL·inl?. 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