GET ON THE WATER WAGON. 17 “You are right there,” said the lecturer, “they did do a mean trick. I would complain to the officers.” And he took up a premium list and said, “By the way, I see there is a premium of so much offered for the best horse, and cow, and butter. What business are you in?” “I’m in the liquor business.” “Well, I don’t see that they offer any premium for your business. You ought to go down and compel them to offer a premium for your business, and they ought to offer on the list $25 for the best wrecked home, $15 for the best bloated bum that you can show, and $10 for the finest specimen of . a broken-hearted wife, and they ought to give $5 for the finest specimen of-thieves and gamblers you can trot out. You can bring out the finest looking criminals. If you have something that is good trot it out. You ought to come in competition with the farmer, with his stock, and the fancy work, and the canned fruit.” As Dr. Clinton Howard said: “I tell you that the saloon is a Coward. It hides itself behind stained glass doors, and opaque windows, and sneaks its customers in at a blind door, and it keeps a sentinel to guard the door from the officers of the law, and it marks its wares with false bills-of-lading, and offers to ship green goods to you and marks them with the name of wholesome articles of food so people won’t know what is being sent to you. And so vile did that business get that the legislature of Indiana passed a law forbidding a saloon to ship goods without being properly labeled. And the United States Congress passed a law forbidding them to send whisky through the mails. I tell you it strikes in the night. It fights under cover of darkness and assassinates the characters that It cannot damn, and it lies about you. It attacks defenseless womanhood and childhood. The saloon is a coward. It is a thief, it is not an ordinary court defender that steals your money, but it robs you of manhood and leaves you in rags and takes away your friends, and it robs your family. It impoverishes your children and it brings insanity and suicide. It will take the shirt off your back and it will steal the coffin from a dead
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