GET ON THE WATER WAGON. 25 will buy all the cotton at $50 a bale. But we dumped more money than that in the whisky hole last year, and didn’t fill it. Come on; I’m going to line up the drunkards. Everybody fall in. Come on, ready, forward, march, right, left, here I come with all the drunkards. We will line up in front of a butcher shop. The butcher says: “What do you want, a piece of neck?” “No; how much do I owe you?” “ $3.00.” “Here’s your dough.” “Now give me a Porterhouse steak and a sirloin roast.” “Where did you get all that money?” “Went to hear Bill and climbed on the water wagon.” “Hello! What do you want?” “Beefsteak.” “What do you want?” “Beefsteak.” We empty the shop and the butcher runs to the telephone. “Hey, central, give me the slaughter house. Have you got any beef, any pork, and mutton?” They strip the slaughter house and then telephone to Swift, and Armour, and Nelson Morris, and Cudahy, to send lown train loads of beefsteaks. “What’s the matter?” “The whole bunch'has gotten on the water wagon.” And Swift and the other big packers in Chicago say to their salesmen: “Buy beef, pork and mutton.” The farmer see the price of cattle and sheep jump up to three times their value. Let me take the money you dump into the whisky hole and buy beefsteaks with it. I will show you what is the matter with America. I think the liquor business is the dirtiest, rottenest business this side of Hell. Come on, are you ready? Fall in! We line up in front of a grocery store. “What do you want?” “Why, I want flour.” “What do you want?” “Flour.”
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MTM4ODY=