Cedars, Spring 2021

Spring 2021 9 was opened. Well, when I went back, I felt like I was back in that cage.” While Misty wasn’t allowed to shut the door, the abuse always happened behind closed doors. In public, William was kind. He appeared to be a wonderful husband. Misty would ask him how he could act like a perfect gentleman in public, but a monster in private. He would get frustrated and usually never answer. But he swore that he loved her. George also knew how to fool his audience. There was an occasion where the dark part of the relationship showed through. He and Samantha were out at the rifle range with friends. Their friends were smoking and offered the couple a smoke. George didn’t smoke, so Samantha was surprised when he took the cigarette. Samantha, as a joke, said she would take one. George snapped. He smacked it out of her hand and pulled her from where she was sitting on the trunk of the car. He then threw her onto the gravel. One of their friends tried to calm him down. George, surprised that he had accidentally revealed this part of himself, stormed off. Samantha ran into the woods and made her way home in the darkness. George and the friend that had intervened picked her up. George screamed at Samantha to get in the truck. She was scared to do so, but the friend assured her that she would be all right. She consented. When they were back at George’s house, Samantha gave the friend permission to leave, so he did. George screamed at Samantha and pushed her into a telephone pole where a nail pierced her shoulder. She still has a scar. While these events greatly impacted the lives of Samantha and Misty, both were ultimately able to escape. Eventually, Misty was able to break free from William. She now only has contact with him if there is an emergency with any of their children. Misty has since found someone and is happily married. The relationship she didn’t believe to be possible now graces her life. Samantha married a guy that she met at college and has a wonderful marriage. When she was first married, she would have nightmares that she had actually married George. She would instead wake up to the man she is thankful God has given her. “There are still times that I am just shocked,” Samantha said. “And I think, ‘Wow, how did I end up with somebody like this?’” Both Samantha and Misty, although free from the abusive relationships, are still healing. Samantha and Misty struggle with the emotional toll that abuse took on them. Both have made improvements and slowly they are getting better. They warn anyone involved in a similar situation to get out. If you are experiencing relationship abuse, there is hope. You can escape the relationship, just as Samantha and Misty did. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. It is possible to create an escape plan and find healing from physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Relationship abuse is dangerous. Do not let relationship abuse be the hole that takes you to your grave. “I would have died. He would have killed me,” Samantha said. “I know he would have killed me.” Hannah Deane is a junior Journalism major and the Off-Campus Editor for Cedars. She loves going on adventures, riding horses, and is definitely a fan of the Lord of the Rings. Why don’t you just leave? It’s a common question for survivors of abuse. However, this question fails to recognize both the psychological trauma and physical risk that attempting to leave can bring. According to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline website: “It’s not as easy as simply walking away. Abusive relationships are extremely complex situations and it takes a lot of courage to leave. Abuse is about power and control. When a survivor leaves their abusive relationship, they threaten the power and control their partner has established over the survivor’s agency, which may cause the partner to retaliate in harmful ways. As a result, leaving is often the most dangerous period of time for survivors of abuse.” Intimidation, fear and shame can all prevent someone from leaving an abusive relationship. Additionally, many survivors of abuse may not have a pattern of healthy relationships that enable them to recognize the extent to which their partner’s actions are abusive. External factors like immigration status, disability, cultural context, children and lack of resources can also make a survivor feel trapped in the relationship. Recognizing that making the decision to leave isn’t as simple as “just walking away” is essential in getting survivors the help they need. You can read more about the signs of domestic abuse, learn more about victim support, or find help for yourself or a loved one at https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1-800-799-SAFE. “I would have died. He would have killed me. I know he would have killed me.”