Symptoms: persistent headaches; possible fever (could be caused by the fleece blanket and hoodie); lack of sleep; obsessive counter scrubbing; constant homemade cookies; random bursts of anger; excessively long showers; inability to fall asleep easily; sleeping only on right side; lack of singing in the car; anxiety; multiple texts a day and unnecessary phone calls; frequent clicking through photo collections; snotty tears on the cuff of mom’s out-of-style gray Gap hoodie, complete with straggling strings and holes in the thumbs of both sleeves. Possible Diagnoses: sinus infection; anxiety; insomnia; depression; homesickness. I did it again today. Snapped at my husband because he left some rice on the counter after he cooked his lunch before work this morning. And when I went to clean off the counter, they bounced all over the floor. I was already planning on sweeping and mopping, but now his lack of cleanliness forced me to, which made me snap. Were you raised in a barn? Did your mother seriously clean every little thing for you? I knew she babied you but good grief, this is ridiculous. It’s the littlest thing, it takes three seconds. Just clean up after yourself. I’m not your freaking mom. Now he’s done it. Full-blown freak-out. Is it really that hard to keep your work boots on the mat? Or rinse out your protein bottles that smell like three-week-old milk? I throw my long-sleeved shirt into the laundry and slip on a t-shirt. The ac must seriously have something wrong with it. While I’m at it, I might as well mention the fact that you are just as capable of cleaning the toilet and wiping down the sink as I am. It’s not like I’m the messiest HOMESICK JOSLYN LAFLAMME MILLER
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