39 than the rapid invasion of haywire cells. Chemistry used to kill now saves lives. *** The nurses have unhooked me from the various lines that usually trap me in a tangled web, and I am walking with my dad in a small loop around the pediatric oncology ward. I am free, but I feel small and insubstantial. I am a wisp of a girl, an adult in the eyes of the government and yet still a fragile child. We walk and I think about how I was born at this hospital, 18 years ago, in that imposing black octagon building visible from the windows here. I think about my smallness, that I was helpless then and that I am helpless now. So much of my life I assumed was my doing, my striding around and commanding and organizing. Now I realize that we are all infants, flailing and fighting but completely vulnerable. God help us. *** Chlormethine has treated cancers such as Hodgkin’s lymphoma, leukemia, and lung cancer for over 60 years. More recently, cyclophosphamide, a more stable derivative of mustard gas, has replaced chlormethine in treatment plans. The drug attacks rapidly dividing cells by compromising their RNA or DNA. It can also instigate apoptosis, cell suicide. Although cyclophosphamide effectively kills cancer cells, it simultaneously damages a patient’s blood cells,
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