The Idea of an Essay, Volume 4

Narrative & Memoir 35 rate drop from 17, to 15 until a few beats later we see the dreaded flatline. Nomore induced breaths from the ventilator. Nomore songs to sing. No more time to spend with Rebekah. A sense of priceless loss enters the room, filling our hearts with the realization of all our fears and tearing our hearts with a deeper pain than we ever imagined. In the midst of this however one more thing resonates in the room, more strongly than the rest: God is in control, and we can trust Him. Medical staff begin to enter the room, and Dad signs a few papers. We have the nurse take a picture to document the moment. We head back to the hotel, pack up, and begin heading home. It’s Christmas morning. The drive home is long, but silent. Our family sits in a numbed shock, unable to know what even to say, what to think, what to even pray. I sit there for a time alone in my thoughts, and in the still drone of the road succumb to sleep after weeks of so little. The next few days are filled with consoling phone calls, and planning for her funeral. Our family remains in this numbed shock, but as the planning continues, this shock slowly begins to wear off. The next fewdays, we greet hundreds of people impacted by Rebekah’s living reflection of Christ.That weekend, the funeral comes andwe have a hard time fitting everyone within the church walls. We sit numbly in the funeral, holding fast to God’s control. Rebekah’s death shook so much of my world. Places, sounds, smells, all ‘ruined’ with associative memory so strong that now they only bring pain. Indeed, there remains only one thing that Rebekah’s death did not shake: the power of my God. Despite my world crumbling and falling apart, God truly gave me strength to surrender fully to Him. My faith is tested through the fire of such a trial, but ultimately only strengthened. The following weekend we drove to bury Rebekah. The day was bitterly cold, sharp wind racing across the plains of Ohio, and we huddled to stay warm as a friend delivered a gospel presentation. We place Rebekah in the earth, but only for a time. Truly the day will come with trumpet sound when Rebekah, and all those who have died in Christ will be risen again, in bodies untarnished by sin, free from the weight of the curse forever. At first I didn’t understand how through death, God could silence a servant of His so great, who so boldly proclaimed His