The Idea of an Essay, Volume 4

50 The Idea of an Essay: Volume 4 My Journey to Know the Love of God Timothy Cannata The smell of popcorn filled the air. My mom and I had just arrived at the movie theatre to see “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”. Just before we walked into the theatre, I caught a glimpse of a “2012” movie poster which sparked something in my mind that would change my life forever. The thought of the world ending kept growing in my mind. Then fear began to spread like cancer through my heart. I began to lose control, and this marked the beginning of my first panic attack. Immense fear swelled into my heart while my surroundings became a blur. My mouth dried up as my heart pounded in my chest. I could feel my body trembling, and I didn’t know what to do. I whispered to my mom that we need to leave. I fled my surroundings, but the suffocating fear followed. I could barely breathe as sweat poured down my face. I could not think rationally; there was no hope in my mind, only terror. I stumbled out of the theatre following closely behind my mom. The warm summer wind rushed around me, drying the sweat on my forehead. I crawled into the car and fell onto the backseat. I heard my mom mutter “hang in there sweetie, I am going to call dad.” I moaned “what is going on?” She told me “we are going to go the hospital to figure that out.” I cried out “make it stop!” My mom looked at me, unable to bare the sight of seeing me in so much emotional pain. My mom got off the phone and in a hopeful voice told me, “Dad is going to meet us at the hospital after he picks up your sister.”The pain grew as the fear overtook my mind. The outside world disappeared around me as I was sucked into my thoughts. I was alone and powerless in the back of my car, left to the mercies of my mind. I was drowning in a raging ocean of fear, alone and weak. I violently shook, hopelessly trying to get rid of the terror. I cried out “roll the windows down,” desperately hoping this would take away the fear. Alone and helpless, I stopped fighting and started to cry. The paralyzing fear left me hopeless. In the midst of this fear,