Inspire, Fall 2004

18 Fall 2004 Then reality set in. We were Alana’s last hope. She had been put into foster care at the age of five because of horrible sexual, physical, and emotional abuse by her birth father. She had been in ten placements in her three years in foster care. If we didn’t make it with her, she would be placed in an institution. I believe God orchestrated His answer to my prayer so that I would know beyond a doubt that He had placed Alana in our home. Alana threw six- to eight-hour tantrums during which she would bite, spit, swear, hit, kick, and break things. We had to learn to restrain her, after which it would still sometimes take two to three hours before she would settle down. At only 70 pounds, Alana had enough adrenaline to lift me completely off the ground. She urinated and defecated whenever she was angry (which seemed to be all the time). Day after day we battled with her. It often took three hours just to dress her and brush her teeth. Even though God provided a wonderful babysitter, Allison Stolar ’94, to help us as I finished school, I was so exhausted and at the end of my rope. I fell apart after my graduation in September and asked for Alana to be removed from our home. I told the worker that I would let her know if and when we would take her back. I knew when Alana left that night that she would be back. But it took eight days of constant prayer and planning before she came back. I learned to put into practice that a “gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). It still sometimes took hours, but Alana’s tantrums would lose momentum. The next three weeks were the worst ever. Then she dramatically settled down. Over the next six months, she decreased her tantrums from six or seven hours per day every day to a two-hour tantrum every other week or so. And eventually they reduced to once a month. She finally was able to break her habit of urinating and defecating all over the house. And she finally began to start believing that she would be able to stay and actually have someone love her. On April 26, 2002, (my 27th birthday) Alana was officially made a part of our home. She shared her special day with her baby brother as he was adopted into his new family. Her other two siblings were adopted several months later. Alana has transformed from a hateful, spiteful little girl into a cute, affectionate girl. Many people have said to me that us giving her a home was such a wonderful gift to give. But I think that she gave us one of the most wonderful gifts of all — a much deeper understanding of our heavenly Father and His amazing love for us. I learned about the power of forgiveness. After Alana opened up and told me some of the horrors that her birth father put her through, I must say that I felt a hatred that I didn’t know I could feel. Yet, one night as I prayed with Alana, she asked me if her birth father could go to heaven. I hesitated, but replied that if he were to ask Jesus into his heart and turn from his horrible ways, that God would forgive him and let him into heaven. She thought for a moment. “Would he hurt people in heaven?” she asked. “No,” I replied. “Heaven is perfect.” “Would he still hurt people down here if he had Jesus in his heart?” she asked. “Jesus is powerful enough to change even your birth dad,” I said. She paused again, “Then I want to pray that my birth daddy gets saved and stops hurting people. Then I can see him in heaven and know that he is OK now.” I learned about the power of hope. I have had several people tell me that there was no hope for kids like Alana, to which I adamantly reply, “As long as there is a God in heaven, there will always be hope.” Alana was originally deemed borderline retarded. She now tests above average. Alana left 17 holes in our walls, four broken doors, and two broken cabinets. She has not left a hole in a wall now for more than a year. She received all A’s in school. She wants to be a nurse when she grows up, and she wants to help poor people know about Jesus. There was hope. God makes something beautiful from our lives. Isn’t it great to know that God never gives up on us and that there is always hope in Him? I learned about the power of support. I could not have made it without help from godly, encouraging friends like Allison. In fact, Allison was the first one to ever pin Alana to the ground. We have a lot of great stories to tell. Allison and Alana have since formed a good friendship in which Alana adores and respects her. I also could not have done the work without the support of Larry Bissett, one of the associate pastors of our church. More than once he dropped what he was doing to join me at the hospital or courthouse. Once, Alana asked why her birth mom couldn’t take care of all four of them. I replied, “Daddy and I struggle to help just you; I can’t imagine taking care of all four of you and being alone, too.” God designed us to help each other, whether as friends, church members, or as marriage partners (and I have one of the best partners in the world!). I learned most of all about the power of love. Alana once stood before nurses and doctors at the hospital and told them that “no one has ever loved me and I will make sure that no one ever will.” But love is a choice, and we had made that choice. There was nothing that she could do to stop that. So much more is the love of God. How deeply God must hurt when He watches His children constantly try to run away from Him, turn to false securities for satisfaction, rebel against His offer of peace, and eventually reap the pain and emptiness that is sure to come. But He never stops loving us; He never stops pursuing us; and He never stops caring. It has now been three years since Alana first came into our home. Kevin and I both say that it has been the hardest three years of our lives. And, by far, it has been the most rewarding. God strengthens his children, and He is working mightily in all of us. We love what we do. We love each child that comes into our house. We also have an older child who has lived with us for a year. We will continue to take in these children with all their baggage and struggles because we know that God makes something beautiful. The McDermotts reside in Dayton, Ohio with Alana (12) and foster daughter Chyanne (15). The McDermotts may be reached at kimberland12@hotmail.com .