Inspire, Fall 2004

Inspire 19 Often Evelyn “Evie”Williams ’80 is asked how and why she decided to adopt as a single woman. The truth is, she’s always known that she would adopt internationally. “When I was a child, my mother read missionary stories to me,” she said. “My favorites were those of single missionaries Amy Carmichael and Mary Slessor, who cared for countless orphans. They were my heroes. I wanted to do the same.” As Evie grew, the desire to adopt kept growing until it was nearly unbearable, but as a single woman she knew it would be difficult. The expense alone was prohibitive. Faith took over, and Evie started the adoption process even though she didn’t know how she would afford it. She started by finding a higher-paying teaching position and moving back in with her parents. “I paid room and board, but it was still a lot cheaper than having my own place and allowed me to save for adoption expenses,” she explained. “Since my parents were willing, I stayed there until my first adopted child started school, and then I bought our own home.” In 1993, Evie adopted 16-month-old Katie from Nepal. Katie, now 12, is intelligent, social, and loves to write. She also plays piano and flute. In 2002, Evie and Katie traveled to India to get Kirsi who, at three, “has a great sense of humor and does everything with gusto, whether that is working, playing, laughing, or getting angry,” according to Evie. Katie was born to a low-caste Hindu family. Her birth father died when she was a few months old. Her mother was unable to provide for her three daughters and asked for an adoptive family for her youngest child. Katie had chronic untreated ear infections. Evie said that had Katie not been adopted and given medical attention, she would have died from the infection spreading into her brain. Katie’s birth mother knew that adoption was Katie’s only chance for survival. Kirsi was born to an unwed Muslim woman. To avoid being stoned, the woman induced labor before her pregnancy was apparent, and Kirsi was born prematurely. Evie said her main struggle with Kirsi’s adoption was having patience. From application to home, the process to adopt Kirsi took more than two years. Evie recalled, “The nine-month agonizing wait after accepting her referral was almost unbearable. The Indian government shut down all adoptions for awhile and then created new rules and red tape.” At one point while crossing a street in Delhi, Evie was watching for the red light to turn green and noticed the word “RELAX” printed in the red light. “Not ‘Stop’ or ‘Wait,’ but ‘RELAX,’” she said. “I laughed and took a picture of it because it seemed like that was what God was telling me through this whole adoption process. Many times it felt like an unending red light with the whole process at a standstill, and yet God was not stopping the process, He was just trying to teach me to relax and trust His timing.” Evie conceded that God’s timing is perfect. She explained, “The week I brought Kirsi home, new age limits for singles were announced. If I hadn’t had government approval and guardianship, I would not have been allowed to adopt any Indian child, including Kirsi.” Evie thought that because she had talked about adopting since childhood, everyone knew she was serious. However, when she actually started the process, she was surprised at how shocked some were. She noted, “Most were quickly supportive, but not all. In fact, one relative believed it was a sin to purposely bring a child into a fatherless home.” (She added that he is now very accepting of her decisions and her daughters.) “While I am the first to agree that a two-parent home is best, I believe that one parent raising a child in a godly home is better than the situation many orphans have,” she stated. Evie admits that it has been hard for her girls to not have a dad, but she is grateful that her father has filled in as a father figure. And, she adds, her daughters know that they have a Heavenly Father who is the “Father of the fatherless.” Evie believes that being a single adoptive parent is very much like being a single biological parent — including the tough parts. She admits that the most painful part of being a single parent is leaving her preschool-age child while she goes to work. “Being a teacher and having holidays and summers off helps, but it’s still tough,” she said. Another hard part is that she doesn’t have anyone to back her up when it comes to discipline. Evie explained, “I can’t say, ‘Wait till your father comes home!’ It’s up to me, and I have to be stronger than my two very strong- minded daughters.” And there’s the fact that Evie is responsible for every part of running a household, but she concedes that the joys and blessings of being a mom outweigh all the hardships. “Parenting is an awesome responsibility but a tremendous privilege as well,” she expressed, “and I am so grateful for the opportunity God has given me to adopt.” Single, but Never Alone b y C e s s n a C a t h e r i n e Wi n s l ow E v e l y n “ E v i e ” W i l l i a m s ’ 8 0