Inspire, Fall 2004

Inspire 23 When you see the joy and jubilation surrounding a family completed or blessed by the adoption of a new child, do you wonder about the birth mother? Why did she give up the joy of motherhood? How could she do it? Should she have done it? And what power is operative in a woman who chooses to place her child for adoption? When a mother makes this choice, she goes against the grain of her created nature — that God-given instinct, desire, and enabling to care for a new baby. Carissa “I knew from the beginning of my pregnancy that I should place the child up for adoption. But it was hard, HARD, HARD !” Rhonda “I kept questioning myself. Was I taking the easy way out? Was I just fooling myself? Was this God’s best for my baby?” Carissa and Rhonda, at ages 17 and 19, respectively, faced the same dilemma — an unplanned pregnancy. Granted, there are cases when babies are removed from a birth mother due to her inability to provide care or her irresponsible behavior. But many “able” young mothers facing an unplanned pregnancy must evaluate their support system, determine the best interests of this new little life, and then, before God, determine if they will tackle parenting or place the child in a loving adoptive family. One expert has said, “It may take greater love and sacrifice to place a child than to parent.” Maybe some questions cross your mind — or your lips. Isn’t the mother taking the easy way out? Shouldn’t she bear the consequences for her sin? God can use an unplanned pregnancy, even an unwanted pregnancy, for His glory and His purposes — for the birth mother, the birth father, and the baby. Does not God delight in redeeming that which we view as hopeless? Carissa “I connected with and loved my baby even before he was born. I understood that my pregnancy was a result of sin and my irresponsibility. Learning of God’s forgiveness and love for me, I knew this was my chance to be responsible again. “Because I loved him so much, I knew I had to sacrifice my personal desire to be with him in order to provide for him. At the time, there was little guarantee that I could provide what I wanted for him — emotional support, material needs, and, in particular, a father. “I couldn’t transfer the parenting responsibility to my mom for a few years, hoping I’d grow up and then take back the reins of my responsibility.” So how do these birth mothers do it? God has obviously enabled them to demonstrate extreme sacrificial love and selflessness. They do this courageous thing in the face of pressure to please themselves or others. Rhonda “I can honestly say I don’t remember any time in my Christian walk when God’s presence and my faith were any stronger.” Carissa “It was the most difficult thing I have ever done, but God gave me a calm confidence and so much peace in the middle of it all — it was even difficult to explain to others. I can’t imagine going through the placement process without a relationship with God.” Besides God’s gift of salvation, Scripture relates many stories of sacrifice motivated by love. At first, Moses’ mother may have appeared irresponsible by floating him in a basket along the banks of the Nile. In fact, love for her son motivated her unusual plan to save his life (Exodus 2). And what of the new mother who cried out to Solomon as he prepared to “divide” the newborn between her and another woman claiming to be the mother? “Filled with compassion for her son [the woman] said to the king, ‘Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!’” (I Kings 3:26). A loving mother is one who, if necessary, can “give away” her right to motherhood in order to give the kind of life to her child that she cannot provide. As if making this courageous decision isn’t enough, birth moms who place for adoption are required to revisit that decision several times before it becomes reality. • There is the reality check that comes when adoptive parents are chosen. “Am I abandoning my child?” • Other well-meaning advisors and loved ones may not want to give up the role of grandparent, aunt, or babysitting friend. Sometimes they advise out of their own guilt, fear, or lack of information. Carissa “At first, I remember worrying about choosing the right adoptive parents, but then I experienced God’s leading and real confidence. I had the joy of influencing my son by selecting a Christian family.” The Courageous Decision b y M a r k M c D o u g a l ’ 7 8 Mark McDougal ’78 with Rhonda (left) and Carissa (middle)