Inspire, Spring 2002

Deborah Copeland Holt ’87 Deborah Copeland Holt ’87 is a licensed counselor who studies and speaks on overcoming prayer struggles. Following are highlights from Debbie’s “Clearing Away the Barriers” presentation. M ost of the time when people come to see me as a counselor, they know what to do; they just don’t know why they don’t do it. We know we need to pray. We know that prayer is our link to God—our means of knowing Him intimately and allowing Him to cleanse us and work through us. We yearn for that kind of prayer life, yet we hide and run away from it. I’ve concluded that there are eight barriers which keep us from praying consistently: 1. Too Busy We live in a busy society, often going from crisis to crisis. Research shows that 80 percent of doctor visits are a result of not taking time to take care of ourselves. When the symptoms get too bad, we go to the doctor. It’s the same with God. We only come to Him when we have a need or crisis (there’s nothing wrong with that since God calls us to cry out to Him), and then we get stuck in the busyness again. Before we know it, communion with God is no longer a priority. But busyness is just a smoke screen—after all, we take time to do things that are important to us and that we think accomplish something. I think the core problem of busyness goes down into my next point. 2. “Do-er” Syndrome In the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10), Martha was busy. She didn’t know when it was time to just sit at the Master’s feet. Why? Probably because she defined herself by her actions. Underneath this “do-er” syndrome is a perfectionist. Perfectionists don’t know when enough is enough or when it is good enough. We look for immediate, concrete results. The problem is that the spirit life is unseen. It’s not immediate. It’s not something that we “accomplish.” “Do-ers” have difficulty in seeing the productivity in prayer because sometimes the results aren’t seen for a long time. I used to shame myself for that; I used to say, “If I were more spiritual, I wouldn’t struggle with this.” I don’t say that anymore. Instead, I accept the fact that this block to prayer is a struggle of my personality. When we shame the struggle, we give up and stop trying. Address it, but don’t shame it. 3. Pride Pride says, “I don’t need God.” Though we may never verbalize that, often our actions speak louder than words. If we only pray during times of crisis, then we are saying, “Lord, I’ll handle my life but you’re my back-up when things get too rough.” (It’s the idea that I’ll become dependent when I can no longer be independent.) Prayer is supposed to be the recognition of my dependence on God. 4. Fear of Not Doing Prayer Right or Fear of Failing One of the worst things that ever happened to me as a perfectionist was when somebody came out with the acronym “ACTS”— Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication. (Giving that to a perfectionist is an invitation to frustration!) I wanted to pray, but sometimes I would look for the right formula. I would start to pour out my heart to God and then go through this acronym. For me, there would be this sense of relief when I could just finally talk to God after going through this ritual. The idea is that if I don’t do it a certain way, then I feel as if I’ve done it wrong—resulting in a sense of failure. Failure will keep perfectionists away from praying because it leads to a lot of pressure, which is the fifth point. 5. Prayer Becomes Either Shaming or Boring When I feel like I’m a failure at prayer, or I begin to feel like it is another item on my “To Do” list, prayer becomes shaming or boring. It’s just one more thing that I have to do that I don’t want to do. And so I start to get angry because it’s a burden. Then I avoid it because I see it as a task to be completed rather than a relationship. 6. Spiritual Battle We often forget that Satan doesn’t want us on our knees. If we do get on our knees, he doesn’t want it to be anything close to a relationship type of prayer. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that Satan does not want us to be dependent on God; he wants us to be dependent on ourselves. So we have to remember that the act of prayer is a spiritual battle. Every time we go to God in a relationship manner, Satan is going to fight it. 7. Disappointment with God Many of us have gone through a time when we prayed repeatedly for a situation and began to wonder, “Is God really listening?” or “Why bother—He’s going to do what He wants to do anyway.” That disappointment causes us to drift away from God. When nothing happens in response to our prayers, we either believe that God can do something and doesn’t because He doesn’t care, or we believe that God wants to do something but doesn’t have the power to do so. Either one is a bad place to be, and it leads to my final point which may be the bottom line cause of prayer struggles. 8. An Improper Concept of God How we view God affects every way in which we relate to Him. Having an improper concept of God is going to affect that relationship. We might hide from a God whom we see as an “unpleasable” taskmaster, or take for granted a “blessing dispenser” God, or ignore or hold in contempt a God we deem to be impersonal, passive, or irrelevant. We need to remember that our prayer life is not about ritual, but relationship. It requires effort, time, patience, and a willingness to hold eternal rewards to be more important than the immediate. After graduating from Cedarville, Debbie earned a M.S. in counseling. She is currently in private practice as a licensed counselor with Christian Counseling Associates in Dayton, Ohio. Debbie also is an adjunct instructor at Cedarville. For more information on her counseling practice or her speaking schedule, contact her at 937-237-5001. Clearing Away Barriers to Prayer 22 Spring 2002