Inspire, Summer 2002

Inspire 19 18 Summer 2002 The cooking and cleaning were a piece of cake. Though I’m not a cook I could manage with the microwave, my George Foreman grill, and Schwan’s home delivery! I had always helped around the house when I was a kid at home and all during our married life. Vacuuming rugs and running the washing machine were routine. But eating alone and sleeping alone were another story. My daughter gave me a large “body pillow” that first Christmas. I still sleep next to it, and in a half-sleep state still initially think she’s there beside me. I confess I was unable to give thanks for my singleness during that first year. I was visited with the question, “Why me?” I was also aware of the reality, “Why not me?” I resumed my regular teaching schedule in an attempt to establish a new normalcy. I picked a different place to sit in the worship services at church. I asked my Sunday school class and people at the church to please understand that I was not able to visit in the hospital. They were gracious and prayed for me as I adjusted. I made few ministry commitments beyond my college classes and church ministry. I had scheduled no summer camps or conferences, and, in the providence of God, had opportunity to spend three weeks in Israel and Jordan in June of the next year. I was there on the occasion of our thirty-eighth wedding anniversary—my first as a single. I spent time with my family in Nebraska that summer. When I returned to Cedarville as the first anniversary of my widowhood approached, I began to express gratitude for widowhood and singleness. A friend told me there were those who felt the second year was harder. In a way that friend was right, but my new normalcy began to feel more comfortable. My relationship with the Lord deepened; my opportunities for ministry expanded. And then my mother died. Now I was a widow and an orphan. My singleness took on a new dimension of aloneness, yet the grace and goodness of God continued to minister to my spirit. And I continued to experience a deepening contentment and an increasingly sincere expression of thanks for singleness. Singleness and Commitment About a month before the second anniversary of widowhood, I was suddenly presented with opportunities to minister to people in crisis. Those opportunities included visiting people in the hospital recovering from surgery for cancer and weekly visits to a young man and his family at home. He was dying of a brain tumor, and I continued to visit after he was moved to Hospice. My last visit came just a couple of days before he went to heaven. I was also given opportunity to attend to a shut-in who was in the final stages of her life. In all there were five specific instances that involved ministry enhanced by singleness but also by the lessons learned in the previous 23 months. It was as though the Lord were saying to me, “Dave, it’s time. I’ve given you time and space; I’ve provided healing and grace. Now I want you to relate what you’ve learned to people in crisis.” It was easy to say “yes.” It was much easier now to “give thanks for all things,” even singleness—perhaps even especially singleness. Singleness—A New Normalcy The Lord leads differently in the lives of those who find themselves single. He made it clear to me immediately after Helen’s last memorial service that I should not remarry. And I have no desire to do so. I have thanked our church and other Christian friends for not finding ways to introduce me to a special someone, arrange a dinner in their home, or send me the picture of a friend. My son approached me during the second Christmas and suggested I needed to start moving in the dating circles again. He said, “Mom and I talked about this.” I thanked him for his concern but also assured him I had no intention of dating or marrying again. I don’t feel robbed of anything. Rather I feel my life was enriched and fulfilled beyond what many people experience. My sweetie went to her grave loving me as her one and only. I plan to go to the grave having loved her only. I still love her passionately and cherish her memory. Her fingerprints are all over my life and ministry. She may be gone from my home but not from my heart. Some have told me they are praying I will meet that “special someone.” I’ve asked them rather to pray that I will stay the course and finish well. I’m thankful for singleness. This is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning me. In Psalm 73 (my life Psalm), Asaph observes: “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you” (Psalm 73:25, NIV). Of course, I have my sweetheart in heaven, but while I’m continuing my earthly pilgrimage, God is my sufficiency. Asaph concludes with verse 23, my life verse: “But as for me it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds” (Psalm 73:28, NIV). For me that says it all. I’m now in my third year of widowhood/singleness. The days are brighter, my daily walk richer, my faith stronger, my hope clearer. I’m surrounded by memories enhanced by pictures: the radiance of her beauty, the fragrance of her love, the sunshine of her smile, the resilience of her faith. I’m sustained by confidence that the Lord knows the way that I take. I daily thank Him for my singleness, God’s will in Christ Jesus concerning me. By the way, the wedding ring isn’t in a drawer. It’s still on my left hand—a reminder of the vows I took, the love I pledged, the commitment I made, the marriage I shared, the wife I cherish. Dr. Dave Drullinger is professor of Bible at Cedarville University. A part of the University faculty since 1989, he is a favorite professor among students, especially because of his “God and the Church” class. He is also a frequent contributor to chapel.