Inspire, Summer 2002

A couple years ago David Hoffeditz ’92, assistant professor of Bible and Greek at CU, was asked to speak at a singles retreat. Single himself, David attempted to prepare by reading numerous books on the subject of singleness. That proved to be both frustrating and inspiring. “No work that I read provided a sound, biblical study of the subject in Scripture and in particular, the major passage which addresses this issue—I Corinthians 7,” he shared. “Instead, most books dealt with how to cope with the ‘plight,’ provide an inspirational ‘Kum-ba-yah’ gathering, or identify the 12 needed steps for a thriving singles ministry. At that moment, I realized that the church needed a fresh look at what the Word of God says about singleness.” That experience and resulting study served as the impetus for a new project. David, who holds a B.A. in organizational communications from Cedarville, a Th.M. from Dallas Theological Seminary, and a Ph.D. from the University of Aberdeen (Scotland), may soon add author to his titles. He is in the early stages of writing a book on singleness from a biblical perspective. He explained, “I have no desire to throw a pity party, create a dating service, or cast stones at the church. Instead, my desire is to provide an in-depth study of I Corinthians 7 and then explore eight individuals in the Bible who were single at some point in their adult lives. These eight portraits will capture how God intends single women and men to live in this fallen world.” When discussing his writing, David does not like to be asked his “perspective” on singleness. “That question is exactly what I am attempting to avoid,” he said. “We are inundated with ideas about the single life. These preconceived ideas, biases, and cultural ‘ideals’ must give way to God’s Word.” He added, “I would direct your attention to the Scriptures. Paul states that while marriage is a gift from the Lord, so is singleness. In fact, this single apostle mentions that the single life affords greater time for, and lack of distraction in, serving the Lord (cf. I Cor. 7:25-35).” David reminds us that Jeremiah, Nehemiah, Anna, and John the Baptist are just a few biblical characters that demonstrate what can be accomplished by serving the Lord single. In present-day Christendom, various singles, such as Corrie ten Boom, J. Gresham Machen, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and Amy Carmichael, have also had incredible ministries for Christ. “Even on our Cedarville University campus, we have approximately 100 staff and faculty members who are without a spouse,” David explained. “As with any of God’s gifts, the gift of singleness should be recognized for its wonderful blessing and value to the church and to the individual believer. Yet singleness does present unique challenges to the individual, such as loneliness, cultural stigmatism, and others.” In closing, David said, “Like the apostle Paul, we need to recognize the importance of fellowship with other believers; we need to remember the importance of a focus on what God has called us to do; and we need to strive to remain faithful in our daily walk with the Lord. Lest we forget, a single man from Nazareth did state, ‘Seek ye first the Kingdom of God.’” David Hoffeditz ’92 Inspire 23 A Fresh Look at Singleness Sandra Millikin Entner ’59 P erhaps nothing has brought more grief or pain to the church family in the past few years than the effects of divorce. Those who find themselves single because of divorce experience deep and on-going grief that is equal to, and sometimes greater than, the grief associated with death. In an attempt to show Christlike compassion for these individuals, many churches have been reevaluating their ministry programs in order to reach out to the spouses and children of divorce. In addition, many individuals are asking themselves what they can do to help as they experience divorce among their own families and friends. The example of Isaiah can give us a pattern for our own ministry with those who mourn. Throughout the years those who have felt the grief of great loss have been comforted by the words of Isaiah 61. Centuries beyond the people to whom this message was given, the living truths in this chapter have transcended time to continue to bring a message of hope to those with broken hearts and broken dreams. We follow the principle of “beauty for ashes” when we begin a ministry of encouragement to those who are grieving. Because grief is a process, not an event, we need to give people significant time to grieve. Because of broken trust, the faithfulness of a friend, a family member, or a small group is particularly important. Those who are suffering need more than patient listening—they need consistent acts of kindness. As people whose feelings of worth have been shattered by the events of divorce once again see that they are still valued by friends and by the church, they start to have fresh hope about the future. Those who have gone through grief know that it is often difficult to experience feelings of happiness for a long time after the events. The second principle found in this chapter, that of helping people exchange “gladness for mourning,” begins when the grieving person starts to sense happiness and joy again, even if it is in small amounts and for brief periods of time. By inviting divorced persons to a variety of activities which may include family times, sporting events, Sunday school activities, shopping, or just lunch, we can help them find pleasure in things they once enjoyed. One divorcée said that even when she couldn’t go, it meant so much to her to be invited to family gatherings as well as church functions. Isaiah 61:3 also gives us a third principle of comfort when it speaks of providing a “garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” This kind of sadness is so pervasive that it is often referred to by the phrase “depths of despair.” Our God, in His infinite wisdom, has told us that the opposite of that kind of depression is found in praise. The church and individuals can show by example how to trust and praise even when those in despair have not yet come to the place where they are able to do so. “I gained strength and hope from those around me who were encouraging me by reminding me of our great God, and showing me that they had faith that He would see me through this journey,” said one such hurting person. Small groups in churches often encourage sharing and writing in journals as methods to deal with pain and find ways to praise. Accountability in such groups has often helped speed the recovery process for those going through divorce. Small groups often use scripture reading and memorization because they are such effective tools in restoration. When a small group is not available, a Christian friend can become an accountability partner in this process. As we encourage those who are hurting to make wise choices that will move them through the processes of grief and healing, we can also remind them that often misery becomes ministry. Many Christians have found meaning in their suffering as they have heard the words of II Corinthians 1:3-4 and have realized that those who have received comfort from the God of all comfort are then used to comfort others. Since coming out of despair is often a step-by-step process, it is important that we encourage the discouraged to see how God has helped His people by gently reminding them of the stories that are found in Scripture. The examples of Scripture are a wonderful reminder of God’s sovereignty and His love, care, and provision to those who have been greatly burdened by the events of life. There is hope for those who experience great pain. As the church and as individuals, we can be part of the healing process by sacrificially and lovingly giving our time to comfort and encourage people during the time that God is bringing beauty for ashes. Sandra Millikin Entner ’59 retired from Cedarville University as director of counseling services in 2000, following 15 years of ministering to the University’s counseling needs. Beauty for Ashes 22 Summer 2002 Many Christians have found meaning in their suffering as they ... realized that those who have received comfort from the God of all comfort are then used to comfort others.