Inspire, Summer 2002

Inspire 17 I had expounded that verse and preached that concept for more than 35 years of ministry. However, on an October morning in 1999, I struggled to gain my equilibrium of gratitude when the doctor reported the results of my sweetie’s surgery. The cancer was significant in its advancement. And, though chemotherapy would be pursued, he commented, “She’s in real trouble.” My first response was “the Lord’s will be done.” Then my son and I left the room to share the news with friends who had kept vigil with us, and I nearly collapsed in tears. Suddenly I realized that God’s will for me might very well be widowhood. Such a scenario was one we had never anticipated. We always assumed I would “go first.” Our little group made its way to the hospital chapel. Sitting next to me was a brother who had lost his wife to cancer several years before. Through my tears I asked, “How can I give her up? How can I pursue the future without her?” For some reason I asked Greg, “How can you take your wedding ring off and put it in a drawer?” Nearly two years later, in fact two years to the day from the initial diagnosis, my sweetie slipped away to heaven from her bed in our living room. It was my joy to be her caregiver for the last five weeks of her life, even the last week in the hospital after her final surgery. I treasure the opportunities to bathe her, help her get to the chair to sit up a while, rub her legs, and care for other personal needs. The first morning after we brought her home, I asked what she wanted for breakfast. She responded, “Fresh orange juice! My Aunt Laura always said there was nothing better than fresh orange juice.” What a simple request, what a priceless opportunity to serve. Yet these served to heighten my sense of aloneness when she was no longer there to care for. Singleness and Contentment Helen taught me much about gratitude for and contentedness in the will of God. She had said throughout her illness that the only explanation for her having cancer was that it was God’s will. In the final days of her life, as we planned for her memorial services, she requested that someone sing, He’s Been Faithful to Me . Then she asked, “Would it be appropriate to ask people to sing, God is so Good ?” I assured her it would be fine. She commented, “He’s been so good to me!” We sang it during the last hour of her life, and, as she stood on the threshold of glory, her lips moved as she attempted to sing with us. My sweetie taught me how to die. She also taught me how to live: to be contented in the righteous will of a caring God. On the door of our refrigerator for years has been the statement: “God has every right, and my permission, to rearrange my life at any time ... in any way ... in order to fulfill His plan for its influence, to His glory.” For years we had prayed together for the Lord to do whatever He had to do to conform us to the image of His Son. For my sweetie it was cancer. For me it is singleness. Singleness and Adjustment Adjusting to singleness was a challenge. We were privileged to have two years to say goodbye and for me to prepare to live alone. The first year, however, was painful as I struggled to adjust. Somehow the big events didn’t bother me. I had enlisted spiritual strength and help for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My children and I followed through with our plans to meet at my sister’s for Christmas, thus giving us a change of venue for that first Christmas. It was the little things that ambushed me, things like passing familiar places, hearing familiar sounds, even passing through towns we had stayed in, eaten in, or shopped in when on various trips. Those events brought a tightness in my chest and tears to my eyes. I had to learn how to manage my time and myself. I knew I could retreat into aloneness and shut people out. That would have been unhealthy as God created us to be social creatures. I could have lost myself in crowds, but that, too, would have been unhealthy, only serving to mask the grief. Instead, I gave myself permission to say “no” to invitations when I sensed a need to be alone; I also forced myself to say “yes” when I needed some balance. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. ~ I Thessalonians 5:18 W i d o w e d b y C a n c e r , Contented i n C h r i s t by Dr. David Drullinger