Inspire, Summer 2003

Inspire 19 LORD creates individuals who are unable to speak, hear or see. In John 9:2, Jesus’ disciples ask Jesus whose sin resulted in a man being born blind. Jesus responds, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was in order that the works of God might be displayed in him.” Again, Jesus affirms that God was the Creator of this blind man. Jeremiah succinctly summarized the 31-year reign of King Josiah. Jeremiah 22:16 states that Josiah “’pled the cause of the afflicted and needy; then it was well. Is not that what it means to know Me?’ declares the LORD.” A relationship with God entails recognizing the uniqueness of individual worth and responding appropriately. Josiah’s entire ministry was summarized by how he treated the afflicted and needy. As many Christian pastors and writers have often affirmed, the ultimate measure or test of our humanity is how humanely we treat one another. God makes no mistakes. He is sovereignly ruling the universe as He brings His plan to fruition (Eph. 1:11). Some families and churches are uniquely blessed with special needs children who require love and attention. After many, many years of ministry and life involvement, my wife and I offer some insights for families and churches who have special needs children. 1) View your child as an image bearer and not through the lens of his/her disability. Don’t allow a special need or disability to define your child, your marriage relationship, or family. Certainly, special needs require unique parenting. However, each child is a person in God’s image. Learn to look beyond the disability to the person of the child . Celebrate little victories and enjoy the sheer simplicity of loving touches and smiles. Focus on the beautiful honesty and expression each child brings to your family. 2) Commit yourself to your entire family . Don’t try to raise your child alone. Current studies indicate that approximately 90 percent of couples with special needs children will divorce. Look for special opportunities to get away with your spouse. Perhaps family or friends can receive some special training to help care for your children. Nurture one another as well as your other children. Involve extended family and church family in your life. Many times church ministries or parent support groups can help your efforts. 3) Parents need to give themselves permission to grieve . Some children with special needs will not experience pivotal life events like marriage or college. Some children will not enjoy even the simple pleasures of running, seeing, or hearing birds sing. Grieving is a process in acknowledging these losses. Grieving should not be considered wrong or unholy. Sharing these disappointments together should not be confused with a lack of love for your child. Grandparents, parents, other siblings and in some cases the disabled child should share about these losses with one another. Siblings oftentimes experience an entire spectrum of emotions such as embarrassment, guilt, isolation or even resentment. Families should openly discuss the nature of a disability. Open communication is essential, as is spending time with each child in the family. 4) Do not blame yourself . Many couples will either blame themselves or one another when a special needs child is born. They often ask, “What did we do wrong” or perhaps “Is God punishing me?” Many disabilities have no known cause or prevention. Some children do become disabled through an accident which perhaps may have been prevented (like a near drowning or an auto accident). Some babies are born with disabilities due to parental drug involvement. Parents need to remember that God is in sovereign control and that He loves them and their children. Guilt is a powerful force. Parents need to embrace God’s forgiveness through His Son (John 1:12; 3:16). Remember that there is now “no condemnation for those in Christ” (Romans 8:1). There is no guilt for any sin or mistake when we are united to Christ. The penalty of all sins was fully paid by Christ (II Corinthians 5:14-21). While there is no condemnation for those in Christ, Satan is referred to as the accuser (or condemner) of the brethren (Revelation 12:10). Don’t allow Satanic accusation to overpower your life with guilt. Whatever the cause of a disability, parents need to accept the complete unqualified forgiveness and acceptance of Christ. Live in grace . 5) Work hard at understanding your child’s disability by gaining accurate information. Read, and meet with doctors, specialists, and educational professionals regarding each child’s unique situation. Remain alert to legislation and your child’s guaranteed legal rights but be careful not to become adversarial. While it is important to become well-informed about your child’s disability, be careful not to become consumed by it. 6) Maintain modest expectations . Most likely, doctors, specialists, and institutions will not be able to remove your child’s disability. Many special needs children can learn to effectively cope and enjoy a meaningful quality of life. Provide appropriate choices and areas of responsibility for each child in your family. In some cases, as children grow older, parents may need to consider group homes or live-in assistants. Families should discuss and develop transition plans as they consider the future for their children. 7) Live life today and enjoy the moment . Jesus speaks so clearly about trusting Him with all of our cares and concerns. In Matthew 6:24-34, He asks us to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. Joy is a gift from the Lord that transcends any and all of life’s difficulties. Both Karin and I and our marriage have been enriched through ministering to special needs children and families. As Christians living in a technological 21st century which associates performance with worth, we must continually focus on the inestimable value of simply being human. Dr. David Mappes serves as assistant professor of Bible at Cedarville University. He and Karin reside in Cedarville with their two children, Ruth and Abigail.