Inspire, Summer 2003

24 Summer 2003 Kelsey Bennett Bredow ’74 retraces the spiritual journey on which God led her as she raised a severely mentally and physically impaired son. G od forgot our little boy. Or so it seemed from our earthly perspective. Can I possibly share our story of being parents to a severely mentally and physically impaired son for almost 19 years? It is a tragedy so awful I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, yet it is an experience so precious to me that I wouldn’t change it. When I was 27, it threatened my faith and almost destroyed my marriage as I focused on the impossible living situation we found ourselves in. Never before in my life had I faced a future of such despair. At three and a half months of age, our beautiful baby boy, Larry II, started having seizures leading to hospital stays, medical tests, different medications, and a special diet. Nothing worked for more than a few days. He lost the few skills he did have, and basically stayed the same mentally for the rest of his life. Physically he grew, but that only compounded the problem of taking care of him. He couldn’t hold up his head, he had to be fed, he had difficulty swallowing, he couldn’t follow movement with his eyes, he could not talk, and he cried a lot. We didn’t even know if he knew us. When he became so heavy he couldn’t be carried for very long, he advanced to a wheelchair with special supports to keep him in place. I hated that wheelchair, but I couldn’t function without it. Each day was a struggle trying to get Larry better, taking him to doctors, giving him physical therapy, feeding him, and observing the effects of the seizure medications. There were no rewards like a hug or a smile or a first word. Our twin daughters were two and a half years old at that time and were very healthy, normal, and full of energy. That first year, well-meaning friends and relatives would come and take them on outings to give me a break. What I really wanted was someone to take Larry. Every prayer for Larry was unanswered. He continued to get worse. He got pneumonia. His seizures did not stop. We felt like we were going through life with our feet nailed to the ground. I cried to God, “If you are not going to change Larry, then you’ll have to change me!” God spoke to me through Psalm 40:1-4 — “I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” It seemed those verses were just for me. I would wait and see how God would work. Thus began a shifting of our focus. Instead of changing Larry, we would learn to live with Larry … to have a family life around Larry. The priority would not always be Larry, but instead would sometimes be our other children and our marriage. We started focusing on God and His power to help us cope and to make wise decisions. If I had known in the beginning that caring for Larry would last almost 19 years, I would have collapsed under the burden. But living one day at a time, one meal at a time, was something we could do. Looking back, God answered our needs each day. We had excellent medical insurance and we came across the best doctors. We found that we lived in the county that was the state’s model for special education, and Larry was eligible to attend. He went there from age three until the day he died at age 18 and a half. I learned to use the community resources available to us. I learned to ask for help. We found wonderful babysitters and respite care providers so we could take family vacations. Sticking to Larry’s schedule kept our life very structured and disciplined which resulted in our getting more accomplished! There were still times of despair and bitter complaining, but always God would help us see some of our blessings and give us renewed strength to continue. There was happiness again and joy, too. We focused on heaven and what Larry would be like there. God was teaching us to love Larry with an unconditional, Christlike love as we daily met Larry’s many needs. Larry was a constant reminder in our home of what is really important and what will last for eternity. I Corinthians 13:8,12,13 states: “Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away … Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” We realized at Larry’s funeral that God had used the weakest, most helpless little boy to teach us about the power of God. There was a peaceful thankfulness in my heart. I was so happy Larry was home in heaven and God would take care of him now. I was happy my job was over. I could see how God had kept us in His hands and held us together as a family. I know how precious God is when you need Him so much. Lamentations 3:22-23 reveals: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” We look forward to seeing Larry again — standing, not sitting in a wheelchair … laughing, not crying … and, most awesome of all, in the presence of Jesus. The Little Boy God Forgot K e l s e y B e n n e t t B r e d o w ’ 7 4 ... God had used the weakest, most helpless little boy to teach us about the power of God.