Inspire, Summer 2003

26 Summer 2003 Michelle Nelson Kuzma ’93 and her husband, Ron, learned many lessons through the process of adopting their children. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9 (NAS) I n 1996, my husband Ron and I “decided” to have children. However, the Lord decided we needed to wait. Three years and numerous doctors’ visits later, we still had not conceived. We then knew God was leading us to adopt. Adoption can be very costly, so we sought the advice of a Christian financial counselor. This counselor told us we should consider American adoption, which is less expensive than foreign. My heart was set on Russian adoption, so I was crushed. But, since we asked for wise counsel, we decided the best thing would be to follow it. So, we applied for American adoption. Two and a half years passed. A total of three birthmothers chose us to parent their child but then changed their minds. I learned some very important spiritual lessons during this time of waiting. The most important thing I learned was God doesn’t “owe” us children. Even our breath is a gift from Him. Too many Christians think if a person accepts God’s will, He will give that person what he or she wants. Psalm 37:4 (NASV) states, “Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.” This is not a magic formula for getting what we want from the Almighty. Rather, it is a long process of learning to want what God wants for us and focusing on the blessings we already have. Although I did have the occasional pity party because we could not have children the “normal” way, I eventually came to realize God does not give us anything we cannot handle. I also began to see things from the perspective of my future children. This was not all about me. Somewhere out there were children in need of parents who, like me, did not have the luxury of choosing their circumstances. After two and a half years of remaining on the American adoption list, the Lord miraculously provided us with the money we needed to apply for Russian adoption! I had been trying to get to Russia since hearing Bruce Wilkinson at Cedarville in 1992 concerning the spiritual need in Russia. I had also been interested in adoption since helping start a crisis pregnancy center in 1991, also while attending Cedarville College. I remember a friend at Cedarville asking me, “Why are you so interested in abortion and adoption?” My response at the time was “I don’t know; I just am.” Now I knew. The Lord was going to bring together my burden for Russia, my interest in adoption, and my desire for children. We were not abnormal — we were chosen by God! If we had been able to have children the natural way, all the desires of my heart would not have been fulfilled! Foreign adoption has its own set of special needs for the parents and children involved. Most Russian children are adopted from orphanages. Although some orphanage staffs care for the children and do the best they can with what they have, Russia is a poverty-stricken country, supplies are limited, and hygiene is poor by American standards. More importantly, one-on-one attention towards the children is limited. Many orphanage children rock themselves back and forth when upset, ill, or sleepy because there is no one to hold them. Attachment disorder can also be a problem. This is an emotional disorder where the child does not know how to show love as a result of never having bonded with a parent. Because alcoholism is so common in Russia, fetal alcohol syndrome is also a frequent problem. This can cause problems as minor as learning difficulties or as severe as mental retardation and heart defects. More special needs emerge simply because these children are not always newborns. In America, children who are not newborns are harder to place with adoptive families, even though they may be perfectly healthy, both mentally and physically. For the parents involved, foreign adoption can be an exciting adventure and a priceless opportunity for spiritual growth. However, at times it is also exhausting and stressful. Going to a foreign country to meet your child is a surreal experience. It can be scary being one of few Americans in a foreign country. Taking time off work to make trips overseas can be an issue with employers as well as bank accounts. The wait can also be agonizing. Imagine having a baby in the hospital. After you have the baby, the doctor tells you to come back and pick him up in four to sixteen weeks … they’ll let you know when. Then, after bringing him home, you have friends, family, and even strangers asking personal and rather impolite questions about your children, such as, “What happened to their real parents?” or “Didn’t you feel like you were buying a baby?” Adoptive parents need lots of prayer! We adopted our son Daniel Paul and daughter Katherine Rayann on July 26, 2002, seven months after our initial application to Russia. The Lord indeed gave us the desires of our heart in His own time. He gave us the two most beautiful and intelligent children in the whole world (I may be a bit biased here), and as a bonus, my daughter has red hair and my son has dimples — two traits I always dreamed my children would have! As a friend of mine, who is also an adoptive mother, kept telling me, “God has two very special children specifically chosen for you to mother. He will give you the perfect ones for you.” She was certainly right. Now we will be able to share Christ with two little Russians for the remainder of this life. At this writing, our babies are two years old and doing wonderfully. The most beautiful sound in the world is their laughter. As for me, I am content to stay at home and sweep up Cheerios and cottage cheese, in between hugs and kisses. They were definitely worth the six-year wait. I will probably have to wait until Heaven to know why our children had to have such a hard start in life, but that is OK. God does not owe us an explanation. His ways are higher than ours. Ron and Michelle reside in Lansing, Michigan, where they are active members of South Baptist Church. Ron works as a certified mechanic at Story Oldsmobile, while Michelle is now a stay-at-home mom. She still works occasionally at Ingham Regional Medical Center to keep her registered nurse skills current. The Kuzmas can be reached at ronandmichelle@yahoo.com. Higher Ways M i c h e l l e N e l s o n K u z m a ’ 9 3