Inspire, Summer 2003

Inspire 31 fluid build-up. I found myself angry with God and ashamed that I felt that way. I wanted to stop caring, but I couldn’t. I wanted to run from God, but I couldn’t. I wanted to die, but I couldn’t. As a Christian, I realized that I could not share what was going on with many because so many did not understand. I still believed in God and that He cared but everything around me was trying to tear that belief down. If I opened up to people, I got a lecture on how God was in control or they would quote Romans 8:28. I didn’t understand that God never intended my faith and the reality of life to line up — the gulf between the two was just too wide. Oh, but God always hears our cries and He is always ready to meet our deepest needs. God kept me going and helped me to function physically and mentally day in and day out. Over time He began to heal the deep hurt in my heart. As God continued to work, I began to believe that God could do anything He wanted to do and that He always wants what is best for His children. God helped me to see that He would heal Tina, maybe here on earth or maybe in heaven, but that either way it would be His doing. The gulf between my faith and hope and the reality of today continues to widen but no longer do I see that as a negative thing. God is faithfully working in me to do His good work, and that in and of itself creates a gulf between the world and me. I don’t know why God chose me for this very special responsibility, but the blessings that He has showered on me through this journey are immeasurable. He continues to meet my every need and the needs of my family. He has given Tina a love for life and for people that draws others to her. Although she does not speak, she communicates her love for others through her eyes and actions. He has used Tina and our family as a vehicle to share His power and glory here on this earth. Every day God continues to carry me through and He continues to meet my needs as He sees fit. Would I trade the path God has chosen for me? Not on your life! When I was at the ’Ville, I asked God to work in my life and make me a vessel He could use. I know that the struggles and sorrows of life have been a part of God’s plan to mold me into that vessel, and I am so thankful that He has heard and answered my prayer. Practical Tips for Ministering to the Special Needs Family 1. PRAY! There is a scriptural principle known as standing in the gap. When a family is dealing with a special needs child and all of the details that come with it, their ability to pray in faith is often stretched. Let that family know that you are praying for them and exercising your faith on their behalf. Pray expecting God to work! 2. Ask God to use you to help them. This does not mean that you have to help care for the child (unless you feel comfortable doing so), but you can help in other ways. One family gave us some money every month for about three years so that I could get away for a few hours every week or so. During an especially trying time, our church provided meals three times a week for three months. If you know someone with a child with learning difficulties, maybe you could offer to help them with their schoolwork. Offer to help transport their other children to practices, etc. Think practical and simple. Don’t be put off if they turn down your offers to help. Many of us have trouble receiving help from others. 3. Be careful when offering verbal or written encouragement. Those who are living with the responsibilities of raising a special needs child do need our encouragement, but they do not need more guilt. A seemingly innocent Scripture verse can plunge a struggling parent into thinking that they have no faith or even to question their salvation and commitment to God. Make sure that you are loving them where they are, not where you think they should be. 4. Understand that God created the special needs child as well as the normal child. This does not mean that God causes the suffering, He allows it. The suffering is a result of sin in our world. When we confuse these issues we tend to say and do things that make the situation even harder than it is. 5. Laugh with them. Laughter is a wonderful gift from God that can really help us in tough situations. What the special needs parent jokes about may not seem very funny to you, but to them the laughter is great therapy and a tremendous stress reliever. For example, when she was four, Tina had an operation to remove some brain tissue to help eliminate seizures. When the doctors came to the waiting area to tell us specifically what they were going to do, my husband responded with, “You mean you found something up there?” The doctors were a little taken aback, but the incident has brought us a great deal of laughter over the years. Last year Tina had a surgery to replace her internal pump and remove a screw from her foot. We fondly called the procedure “the Home Depot special.” 6. Thank God for the opportunity to get to know and love those who by the world’s standard are less. You just may be loving an angel in disguise! 7. Encourage them and look for ways to help parents minister. Although the parents of a special needs child have many responsibilities, they also have areas of ministry to which God has called them. Don’t limit their ability to minister in their God-given areas because you think they are “overwhelmed.” Participating in ministry often serves as an outlet or lifeline for those who are dealing with difficult circumstances. My faith was shaken, my hope seemed gone, and the reality of everyday was overwhelming.