Inspire, Summer 2006

Inspire 21 C edarville was an incredible experience for me — a literal fork in the road of my life. It is the place where I really learned of God’s great, great love toward me and His desire to use my life to minister His heart to others. There I witnessed real grace lived out in the lives of precious people, and my heart was forever changed. I graduated from Cedarville determined to live in the truth of God’s love toward me and to minister His love in the lives of others. However, what that actually looks like in real life in my here and now is quite different than what I had ever envisioned as a bright-eyed 21-year-old graduate. In 2000, I married my wonderful husband, Jim, and a year later, we welcomed our first child, Jacob. In 2003, our second child, Isaac Immanuel, was born, following an extremely difficult labor and delivery that nearly cost me my life. After I received a blood transfusion because of the severe hemorrhaging that followed Isaac’s birth, we thanked God for the opportunity to live and enjoy life together as a family. We also thanked Him that the first day of my sweet son’s life had not proven to be my last. About two and a half years passed and, following a careful process and consultation with a developmental pediatrician, we received a diagnosis of autism for Isaac. The doctor telephoned our home with the news in November 2005. Although I remained composed while the doctor and I spoke, I sobbed as I shared the news with my mom in Ohio. My life has been dramatically changed since that weighty conversation last November. It has been essential for me to examine my own heart to discover exactly what the purpose statement of my life really is. What will “success” look like, and how will I know if I am achieving it? I had already determined that to succeed in fulfilling my life’s calling, my days would be invested in loving God and asking that He use me as a vessel to share His great love with people. So now, in the midst of Isaac’s many, many appointments throughout our state, as well as speech and occupational therapy sessions, developmental preschool and evaluations, educational conferences, etc., I must return again and again to my life’s purpose statement when a new door of opportunity opens before me. Out of necessity, I have learned to say “no” to many good and worthwhile things and to say “yes” with all of my heart to my family and the special needs of our beautiful three-year- old son. When the reality of the weight of what we were facing with our son became evident, I chose to resign from a full- time position as well as several other commitments. I believe that my calling now is clear, and I am free to invest my energy and time in what really matters most. I know that investing in my family in this precious time is a decision that I will never, ever regret. Finding balance is absolutely essential as I seek to fulfill the roles of mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, teacher, and Isaac’s chief advocate and chauffeur while also living as an individual and a forgiven follower of Jesus Christ. There are some very practical steps that have helped me achieve more balance in my life, including clearly communicating specific, real needs to our church family and graciously accepting practical help from others when it is offered. For example, after we had some time to digest the diagnosis of autism for Isaac, we wrote a two-page letter to family and friends to clearly explain Isaac’s diagnosis and ask that they join with us on the difficult journey that we were beginning. We received a wonderfully loving response to our letter, and simply letting people know what was happening in our family made a tremendous difference. In addition, I choose to live life literally one day at a time. We do not know what the future holds, so I can very easily drown in the tumultuous sea of “what ifs” if I allow myself the opportunity. Instead, I choose to rest in the grace of God in the present, drawing strength and courage from the past, and trusting Him and His love and faithfulness for the future. Living in the present has made a tremendous difference for me personally. One of the professionals who works with Isaac told me that it is as if I am swimming the English Channel: I just need to keep my head down and keep swimming. If I stop and look around, all that I will see is water all around me. I have found this to be very true and valuable advice. One paramount lesson that I have learned is to continue to walk forward, in the midst of my pain and unanswerable questions, with what author Philip Yancey refers to in Disappointment with God as “fidelity, hang-on-at-any-cost” faith. Yancey writes, “Job, along with the saints in Hebrews 11, points to a different kind of faith ... Childlike trust may not survive when the miracle does not come, when the urgent prayer gets no answer, when a dense gray mist obscures any sign of God’s concern. Such times call for something more, and I will use the musty word ‘fidelity’ for that hang-on- at-any-cost faith.” I have chosen to trust in God’s love in the midst of this grimly gray world of autism, and He has brought vivid colors — oranges and yellows and purples and reds and pinks — into that gray, gray world, and our lives are happy and good in spite of this life-changing diagnosis. by Jennifer Yaggi Bates ’96 One Day at a Time