Inspire, Winter 2003

Inspire 19 Where have all the dreamers gone? Good question. And to tell the truth, that’s one question I hadn’t really spent much time thinking about, at least not until a couple of years ago. I was nearing the end of my senior year at Cedarville and was caught in a difficult decision-making, priority-placing, spiritually-discerning place. As I saw things, I had two choices: 1) Follow my dream of venturing overseas to teach and work with children, or 2) Follow my boyfriend (almost fiancé) to Chicago and support his dream of living in the heart of one of the world’s largest cities. Let me back up and provide an overview of circumstances that brought me to that decision. For as long as I could remember, my heart had longed to serve others, to teach children and teens, to mentor women, and to communicate the gospel message to people who wouldn’t otherwise hear it. Throughout high school and college, the Lord had provided unique opportunities for me to learn, grow, and experience different cultures. Without a doubt I knew he was asking me to use my passions and gifts in unconventional ways — ways that meant moving beyond the confines of my familiar home and interacting with people whose needs and cultures didn’t match mine. I was sure God was asking me to serve Him in another country. And I couldn’t wait! My heart danced with joy during my college years as I anticipated graduating and heading overseas to begin a passionate ministry of Kingdom- building. Well, enter Grady Peeler ’00 — a friend, turned boyfriend, turned “man I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with.” One would think that a growing relationship with a man who loved the Lord and loved me would be a delight and thrill — and truly, it was — but the interesting tension came when we discovered that although we shared a common dream of serving God and seeking to build His Kingdom, the ways we dreamed of doing it were at quite opposite ends of the spectrum. Grady had a heart for the city and was motivated by all the needs and possibilities the city offered. In his words, “God has brought people from all around the world to one city. Why not move there and influence people with the gospel in my career, in my apartment building, and in every other facet of day-in and day-out life?” “That’s well and good,” I thought, “but that’s not what God is asking me to do. He wants me overseas — I’m confident of that.” So, where have all the dreamers gone? Well, here was a situation where two young people, dedicated to serving God, were caught in dreams that seemed to be to the detriment of their future relationship. I think I said more prayers during Spring Quarter of my senior year than ever before. I was torn. Did God really want me in ministry overseas? Did God really want me to marry Grady? Why would God provide two wonderful options that seemingly stood in direct opposition to each other? After much prayer and careful thought, I decided to put my dream for overseas ministry temporarily on hold to marry Grady and move to Chicago. Immediately after graduation, Grady moved to Chicago, and I came to visit on weekends until we were married. After my first weekend visit, I left in tears, absolutely terrified that I was about to make Chicago my home. Sure, Chicago was a fun place to visit, but to live there? I wasn’t so sure. The traffic was insane. The cost of living was high. The buildings were intimidating. The people were impatient and rude. The subways scared me. And the list continued. During our engagement, I continued to struggle with the idea of living in downtown Chicago, though I couldn’t adequately explain why. Strangely enough, I had somehow determined that it would be easier to leave the familiar and comfortable things here in the States and head overseas to serve God than it would be to leave the familiar and comfortable things in my bubble of comfort and serve God in a major city here in the States. I suppose it didn’t help that many family and friends balked at the idea: “It’s dangerous living downtown, you know,” or “You don’t plan to start and raise a family downtown, do you?” or “The city is full of temptations that will only distract you from serving God.” Looking back, I know these were honest and well-intended statements, but now I also know they were uninformed and unfounded statements. During our engagement, God used a variety of circumstances to make it very clear that moving to downtown Chicago was in fact the very thing He wanted me to do. Was I absolutely comfortable with that? No. Was I absolutely certain that’s what God wanted? Yes. Soon enough, Grady and I were married and thrilled to begin our life together. Our first few months were