Inspire, Winter 2004

22 Winter 2004 With three young children and two needy parents, I acquired an appreciation for the challenges faced by the “sandwich generation.” Through it all, God was faithful. He surrounded me with good friends (both far and near) and the loving support of the Cedarville University family. Friends and co-workers often prayed with me or helped with our kids, while others patiently allowed me to vent or cry during difficult times. Though I personally struggled, I never lacked for encouraging words or a comforting shoulder. When Dad reached his maximum recovery level, our goal shifted to making him as comfortable as possible. Kevin was wonderful in that effort. Besides helping Dad swim with a water therapist, Kevin took Dad “flying.” Daddy used to be a pilot, and so Kevin hooked up a flight simulator to his television. Several times a week, the two of them would “fly.” Even though Dad couldn’t see, he recognized the sounds and understood what was going on. It warmed my heart to walk in and hear Dad barking orders at his co-pilot. I often found myself in awe at how my husband loved my dad. Kevin honored his father-in-law like his own father. Eventually Dad’s impaired state and immobility took a toll, and he started battling recurring infections. In early 2003 he became too sick to bring home or take swimming and was frequently hospitalized. As Dad’s health declined, he interacted less, and so we focused on soothing him with more passive activities. Dad loved country music and old hymns. He also enjoyed being read to and hearing his favorite Bible passages. William Lawlor ’04, a preseminary Bible major, often visited Dad to read and sing to him. Dad had many friends. As a way of keeping them and family members informed, I wrote regular e-mails, commonly known as Dad E-Updates. These communiqués were also therapeutic for me. By sharing, I was able to journal the joys and struggles that were part of this intense journey. The final Dad E-Update summarized my feelings and experience. On March 31, 2003, I wrote: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God …”. —Isaiah 43:2-3 Once again, this reminder has been a source of strength for me — this time as I watched my father pass away. Daddy left to be with the Lord this morning at 2:20. … His body could no longer fight to recover. As painful as losing my Dad is, I rejoice in knowing that someday I will be reunited with him. Even as he struggled to breathe and lay dying for several hours, he assured me of that fact. We all had a chance to tell him we love him, and on a few occasions he verbalized his love for us. … As I reflect on Dad’s life, I see what a tremendous gift he gave me in allowing us to be with him these last two challenging years. In his willingness to hang on, Dad allowed me time to learn and understand things that clearly God knew I needed. I’ve learned the definition of priorities, perseverance, patience, and unconditional love — all these things we think we know, but once tragedy strikes, bringing untold grief, we suddenly see how little we actually understand. Though at times I complained about the care of Mom and Dad falling on Kevin and me with little support from other family members, I now see how we have been blessed as that awesome responsibility was actually our gain. Through this blessing I have had the opportunity to embrace new discoveries about myself, my husband, my mom, and my dad. Many mysteries have been solved. For years I was confused and hurt by some childhood experiences. I didn’t understand why Dad did certain things or allowed them to happen. Over the past 27 months, I have gained insights and comprehension and now am more at peace. This experience has provided a priceless education on countless fronts. My beliefs and faith have been challenged and stretched in immeasurable ways. My life is also much richer because of new and enhanced relationships I have acquired along this journey. Sarah Ross ’02 spent time with James and inspired a scholarship through her faithful compassion. I often found myself in awe at how my husband loved my dad. Kevin honored his father-in-law like his own father. Though at times I complained about the care of Mom and Dad falling on Kevin and me ... I now see how we have been blessed as that awesome responsibility was actually our gain.