Inspire, Winter 2004

24 Winter 2004 Life-Changes at the Fork in the Road E d S m i t h J r . ’ 8 1 L ife-changing events are at every bend in the road. It is inherent with the fact that as we are living and growing, we also accept responsibility. Accepting responsibility causes our lives to come to forks in the road where we must make decisions. Getting married is one such fork. No longer do you live as an individual, but with another. The choice is voluntary. Having a child, especially the first, is another major time of decision and change. I contend that choosing to care for an elderly parent is equally a major choice and major responsibility. One of the many things I noticed and admired about my wife, Rebekah, was the way she cared for her family, especially her maternal grandmother (Lao Lao, as we called her) before we got married. We were married in China in 1990, and during the time we lived in China her grandmother moved in with us. Normally, her grandmother would get homesick after a few days and want to go back to my wife’s parents’ home, but she stayed with us a month, and it was actually my mother-in-law who missed not having her mother home. When we told our grandmother she was wanted at home, she asked us why we were trying to get rid of her after only a few days. We told her that she had been with us a month and that her own daughter had missed her and wanted her home. The day we were to take her home, we first wheeled her wheelchair to the city zoo, and we had a day to remember as she marveled at the strange and exotic animals she had never seen before. Memories such as that still bring a smile to us as we think about them. I still laugh when I think of the hippopotamus underwater, and when we told her the name of it in Chinese she was shocked to see such large air bubbles coming to the surface. The Chinese word for “hippopotamus” sounds the same as the word for “river frog,” and she thought there was a very large river frog under the water creating the bubbles! Choosing to care for my parents as they aged no longer was my choice alone; it also became the choice of my entire family. My father and mother moved near us when my father retired in 1992. My father’s retirement resources were limited, and it soon became evident that they would need assistance. Initially they lived in an apartment, but the stairs became an obstacle to my mother’s arthritis. When a two-bedroom ranch house was being auctioned across the road from our house, we soon became landlords with my parents as the tenants. The house was close by; we could help them more easily, but it involved time and money on our part. My mother passed away in 1997 while living in that house, and we all had peace knowing we did what we could for her while she was alive. As my father began living alone following her death, we noticed that his health began to weaken and that he needed more assistance. I thought when he gave up his driver’s license it would be difficult for him, but instead it seemed it became more difficult for us. My wife did most of the driving for him because she was home during the day while I worked. Then there were the nights when I was contacted by the medical alert operator that my father’s medical assistance alert had gone off. It was not uncommon for me to run across the road and through the neighbors’ yards to reach his house within minutes, only to find him fast asleep and oblivious to the alarm, which needed to be reset. When it became obvious that Dad couldn’t live alone, we prayerfully discussed what would happen next. Neither our house nor his house was really big enough for our families to combine. Our two daughters, Hannah and Sarah, were growing and already shared a room. We began to look at houses on the market, but found nothing suitable because by this time we were looking for something handicap-accessible for Dad’s wheelchair. After two years of looking, we decided to build a house with Dad’s needs in mind. I have worked for the Federal Bureau of Prisons in central Pennsylvania as a teacher for more than 13 years, and our family decided that we would remain in this area until I was eligible to retire in seven years. We bought land nearby in a small housing development and began the search for a suitable house design for our expanded family needs. Obvious needs would include a master bedroom and bathroom on the first floor. We wanted an open floor plan to make wheelchair accessibility easier. We also desired a house which would give us some of our own space as a family. We found a plan, reworked it, and discussed it with our builder. We began building in November 2003 and completed the house in March 2004.