Torch, Fall 1989

I I Ken. We met on a blind date. Joyce was a sociology major at Ohio Univer– sity and I was majoring in psychology at Hanover College. We hit it off imme– diately. She was pretty, easy to talk to, and interested in my career aspirations. Right away I wanted to get to know her in a deeper way. Joyce. Kenny was funny and fun to be with, and soon we became best friends. This lasted for about three years. I be– lieve it was because we had so much in common that we were drawn to each other. Ken. We were both very competitive. To get started, all either of us had to say to the other was, " Bet you can 't." Joyce. Eventually we fell in love and were married in 1968. We had a church wedding, said all the right things, and I'm sure we must have appeared to be headed for a fulfilling marriage with all the trappings of success and happiness. Actually, the seeds were already sown for the disaster that awaited us. Ken. Joyce and I moved to Indianapolis where we both found jobs with the Welfare Department and I began law school. Upon my graduation we accel– erated into the fast lane that for all ap– pearances would lead us towards the "good life. " I started practicing law, we bought a lovely home, new cars, and wore the best clothes. We joined with other yuppies , living the lifestyle we had enjoyed in college. But my emphasis was on the wrong priorities. As my career prospered I turned to politics. Soon I was leaving early each day and returning home at 10 p.m. or later. I was vulnerable to any opportunity that tantalized me with greater success. Joyce. Kenny had his career in high gear and I felt that I, too, could find fulfillment if I pursued my own inter– ests. So I joined classes in theater and dance. Unfortunately, as we focused on our careers we became less interested in each other. Ken. This process of deterioration did not happen overnight. For eight years our relationship became more strained until it evolved into a '' relational war.'' Married, supposedly happily married, we actually were hurting one another almost daily. Joyce. Sometimes the hurts were made with words. But so often we just offended each other with indifference. We were both so busy getting ahead that we did not force the time in our sched– ules to care for our mutual needs. Ken. My laid-back personality helped me tolerate our less-than-perfect situation. And the competitive nature (growing more combative) of our marriage was stimulating. Thank God Joyce did not have the same tolerance. Joyce. Frankly, I was pretty empty on the inside. All the things we had accumulated were not satisfying me. So I turned to the obvious choice for help, the women's magazines you buy at the grocery store. With these I learned how bad off our marriage really was. I grew increasingly bitter over the accumulat– ing offenses. I kept reading. Ken. One night I came home late to discover k•yce obviously disturbed. When I pressed her for the reason she hit me with the news that she had rented an apartment and was moving out. She told me she had been unhappy for years and just did not know how to tell me and that the only way out was some– thing she called a "creative separa– tion.'' I was devastated. I left the house to walk in the woods nearby. I thought that perhaps I could somehow make sense out of all this. But no answers came. No defense was adequate to disarm her of her case against me. My whole life came crashing down around me. I felt abso– lutely helpless to fix what was left of my marriage. Nearly four hours passed. I was broken, on my knees and sobbing. Then God did a merciful thing for me through His Spirit. First, He showed me my sinful– ness. I raised no objection. Then He reminded me of a little booklet that I had come across that detailed God 's simple plan of salvation. I confessed my sin, asked God to forgive me, and received Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and Lord. Then I remember