Torch, Fall 1989

asking Him to make me the man and husband that He wanted me to be. Joyce. When Kenny finally came back to the house, he greeted me with the news that he had just committed his life to Jesus Christ. I blinked and said, " That' s nice, but I doubt it will save our marriage.' ' Ken. In a faltering way I tried to ask her to forgive me for all the ways that I had offended her. I said that I did not understand fully how to right all the wrongs but that with God 's help I would begin all over. It was to no avail. She still wanted to move out. The desire to honor this woman that I loved was stronger in me at this time than ever before. I can remember saying, " Joyce, I love you more than anyone on this earth and I want to begin my new life in Christ by honoring you even in your decision to move out. I don ' t want you to go but, if you must, I will help.'' Joyce. Through all this discussion the only message that I picked up on was that he would help me move. My heart was bitter, hard, and armed with a newly-found philosophy of self assertion that was at last getting some response out of Kenny . Ken. I borrowed a truck, drove across town, and carried the belongings and furniture she chose up three flights of stairs into this "quaint little apartment " she had rented. Before I left her I made a simple request. Would she spend at least one hour a week with me? If so, I would make no further demands. She said that was reasonable. However, she was surprised when I asked that the hour be 11-12 o 'clock on Sundays at church. Nevertheless, she agreed. In the months that followed , my growth in Christ seemed to soar. I just could not get enough of God's Word. Each day as I read and studied it I found some special application for my life. Although Joyce would allow me to take her to church, the Gospel seemed to have little effect on her. Joyce. Kenny was getting pretty weird, to my way of thinking: Bible studies, prayer breakfasts, at church for every service. The list went on. Why, he even asked me if I thought he should join the choir! Nevertheless, I liked the new Kenny better than the old one. He was kinder and much more attentive to my needs. One midnight he drove 35 minutes across town just to bring me some cold medicine. The promise of self discovery held out by the women ' s magazines did not come. Disappointed, I turned to some acquaintances in California. The husband was a group facilitator, one of those individuals who is into a lot of touching and drawing out in public the miserable feelings of hurting people. Maybe he and his wife could help me fill the void in my life. So I traveled west to spend some weeks with them. Ken. During Joyce's absence I was at home reading one night when a feeling of gloom came over me. I can recall standing up and saying out loud, "Joyce has decided to divorce me." I immedi– ately called a close friend who was helping me with my spiritual growth. Amazingly, he packed some clothes and moved in with me for a week of intense Bible study and prayer over husband and wife issues. This helped prepare me for Joyce's return.