Torch, Fall 1989

Joyce. Our "creative separation " was now two months old and I was more miserable and depressed than ever. My California friends held no solutions to my unhappiness . At this point I really did come to the conclusion that divorce was the only way out of my troubles. Ken. I picked Joyce up at the bus station and she confirmed my fears. This prompted a lengthy discussion of our feelings about each other, past, present, and our hopes for the future . It was a very difficult talk. Again, I asked her to forgive me for my offenses and I felt a sense of purging. There was new hope for us as Joyce asked me to forgive her for her wrongs. Joyce. Though I asked Kenny to forgive me, I am sure that I did not fully understand the meaning of this act. Perhaps I thought by saying those words I would unload some guilt I had been caITying for my part in breaking up our maITiage. It was the difference in Kenny's life that made it possible for me to even talk with him about forgive– ness . His Christ-like kindness and humility of spirit was softening my hard and bitter heart. He treated me as if I had never sinned against him. Kindness does indeed make a man attractive. Not long after this serious talk I put away my thoughts of divorce. In fact I said to him, "You are so different that I have new hope that our maITiage can be different than it was before. Will you let me come home?" Ken. The sun was never brighter and the air never so fresh as it was the day I drove the truck to her apartment, the one with the three flights of stairs and no elevator. I had the feeling that God was working an incredible miracle on our behalf. Life from this time on was going to be absolutely fantastic . And it was--all afternoon. You see, although I was a new person in Christ, Joyce had never truly made that commitment. A limited kind of oneness had been restored to our maITiage, but the deepest oneness of all, oneness in our spirits, did not yet exist. Joyce. Therefore, the resumption of our married life was not all roses. He was a true Clu·istian and I was not. He had sincerely forgiven me; I had only mouthed the words. Two people so unequally yoked cannot hope to experi– ence marital bliss for long. One day we got into an argument so intense that he had to leave the house for a walk in the woods. I could not stand the thought of our marriage disintegrating again, especially this time as God was convicting me that I was the problem. For the first time the Gospel message I had heard all those Sunday mornings with Kenny began to become real to me. I prayed, "Lord, I do need You and I want You to make a difference in my life. Please forgive me for all my sins and come into my heart and be my Savior. " And I distinctly remember adding , "It would be pretty nice if You brought Kenny back, too.' ' Ken. I returned an hour later to find Joyce in tears. As she shared with me what God had just done for her I reabzed that the miracle of forgiveness that I had experienced was now hers as well. For the first time in eight years of maITiage we prayed together. We affirmed our commitment to Christ and to each other, desiring Him to be the Lord of our lives and our marriage. Joyce. Now I understood why I could forgive him. No matter how offensive Kenny 's sins against me had been, they were forgivable because Clu·ist had already forgiven them. And I could forgive myself for messing up our mar– riage because Clu·ist had already forgiven me. Ken. We decided to begin all over again by repeating our vows to each other, and we even bought new rings. We also armed ourselves with Scripture to help us in future rough waters. I selected 1 Corinthians 13, especially the verse that states, ' 'Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.'' Joyce. I chose Ephesians 4:32, " Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as Clu·ist has forgiven you. '' I know there are many couples that have not divorced yet who are divorced in their spirits. The hurts they suffer are deep and perhaps they seem pennan– antly scaJTed. May I say to those readers that, if they have truly experienced the forgiveness of Jesus Christ, they can truly forgive any offense committed by their spouses. Along with this decision must be the desire to restore the loved one with no strings attached. Jesus did this, and Kenny followed His example. That is the only reason why we are together again today. Ken and Joyce Johnson