Torch, Fall 1991

\ ( SELF-IDENTITY A third area of learning necessary in the lives of young adults is that ofa personal self-identity. Some feel that the concept ofself-identity has been overly stressed. While I can understand these concerns, the personal evaluation a person has of himself is the very basis for his approach to life. The self-identity of a believer cannot and must not be separated in any way from his relationshipwith his Lord. The very name "Christian" implies the concept that we are in Him and He is in us. This position in Christ is shown in Ephesians 1:6, "wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved." Scripture indicates clearly that man is worthy in God's eyes. How– ever, the critical insight that must be gained is that man is not inherently worthy in and of himself, but through his relationship with an infinitely just and holy God. The young adult must learn that everything belongs to God in the first place. The individual's worthiness is not in his looks, his possessions, or his accomplishments, but rather in what God has allowed him to be or to accomplish. Conversely, a person must not permit the sinful nature to destroy his self-esteem. I John 1:9 states that "ifwe confess om sins he is faithful and just to forgive us om sins." God does not promise there will be no consequences as the result of sin, but that om position and om worthiness in Him will not diminish. An illustration of this concept is the young Christian woman who seemingly had done just about everything wrong in relationship to her husband. She was extremely distraught and was, in fact, suicidal. Once she got past the emotional storm she was encountering and could stait operating on the basis of rationality, she began to realize that God had promised her forgiveness. She still had to deal with the consequences of her actions, but her worthiness before God had not lessened. The apostle Paul, before his conversion, had been rampaging against the believers in his time and had no doubt committed unbelievable atrocities against them. After his conversion he also was faced with his guilt and regret; but he, like everyone else,had a choice.He could let his past hang like a millstone around his neck, effectively destroying any ministry,or he couldmove on in light ofGod's forgiveness. In Phil. 3:13 he concludes; "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Conversely, each person is held accountable before God; therefore God's forgiveness must not be used as an excuse to sin. The matming young Christian needs to realize that scriptural priorities are the baseline for effective self-pemption, growth, and ministry. MARRIAGE PREPARATION A fourth area of growth with which most college-age people must deal is that ofpreparation for marriage. The decision for marriage should be the consummation of the process of emotional independence from the home environment. Paul speaks to this in Ephesians 5:31 , "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh." There are two critical decisions that every person must make duiing his lifetime. The first decision is the acceptance or rejection of the Lord Jesus Christ as personal Savior. As mentioned earlier, this decision will impact every subsequent decision. Subjection to the leading of the Holy Spirit in one's life will make the difference between happiness or an ineffective Christian walk. Upon acceptance of the Lord as Savior, a second decision with lifelong implications must be made. This decision centers on the special person with whom the individual will spend the rest of his life. As terrible and final as it may be, eternal Hell is the consequence of the wrong choice on the first decision. As painful and as hmtful as it may be, many might use the same term for the wrong choice on the second decision. National statistics show that for every two marriages, one will end in divorce. Statistics for Christian marriages show a trend in the same direction. A major cause of these statistics rests in the fact that too many decisions regarding marriage partners are based on the level of emotion rather than rationality. The decision to marry, and whom to marry, needs to be a rational process. The person needs to know the Christian principles which deter– mine his value system. Similarly, this value systemmust be in place when a person decides whom he will date; for without question, as soon as the dating process begins, emotions will begin to take precedence. Many young Christians have learned the hard way that emotional decisions many times are not sound ones. The dating and maniage process for the Christian couple can be a growing and enriching time only if godly principles are the basis for such lifelong decisions. The rational aspect of decision making is not unlike the process many young women go through in deliberating whether to have an abortion. The woman must consider the morality of this kind ofdecision long before she faces the situation. If she hasn't, and finds she is pregnant, she will be operating on an emotional level, and the final decision many times will be self-serving rather than God-honoring. In summary, the most obvious aspect of the learning process is that it never ceases. In light of this consideration, the Christian must realize his obligation to grow in wisdom and knowledge regarding his Clu·istian walk. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction" (Proverbs 1:7). With so many critical choices ahead of them, it is so important that Christian young adults make these decisions in light of sc1iptural truth. The consequences of these =~~~~~~;~==~~d=ec:isions can be very life-changing and very permanent. Dr. Robert Abbas, professor of psychologyat Cedarville College, is alicensed psycholo– gist and experienced counselor. He teachesand researches in the area of human growth and development