Torch, Fall 1992

I. Rejoice in the Lord always. ...What on earth is there to rejoice about when you are involved in a dispute? To begin with, you can rejoice over the most wonderful fact in your life: if you have put your trust in Jesus Christ, you are "in the Lord," and your name is written "in the book of life." If your opponent is a Christian, that person, too, has salvation. Nothing, not even the difficulties of a conflict, should ever overshadow the joy of having received forgiveness through Christ. The more you rejoice in that forgiveness , the easier it can be for you to forgive others. You can also rejoice that God has given you the Bible, the Holy Spirit, and the church to guide, strengthen, and support you . (If you are not rejoicing over these resources, you may be neglecting them.) If your opponent is a believer, these resources are available to him or her as well. As God works in you through these channels, you can receive reliable direction, grow in character, develop creative solutions, and see a return of genuine peace. Finally, you can rejoice that your situation is not an accident. Knowing that God is sovereign and good, you can have confidence that He is working through this conflict for your ultimate good...That is much to rejoice about! Z. Let your gentleness be evident to all. ...The Greek word translated as "gentleness" in this passage is rich in meaning: "[Epiaches] means forbearing , largehearted, gentle, courteous, considerate, generous, lenient, moderate. In summary, it is describing a quality which is the opposite of irritability, rudeness , and abrasiveness; it is describing a quality that would make a person nice instead of nasty. It is saying that if you are a Christian, you can be a nice person."1Being gentle in the midst of conflict produces several benefits, especially when it is "evident to all." It reflects Christ's presence and power in your life, which pleases and honors Him. It also guards you from speaking and acting harshly, which would only make matters worse. Finally, your gentleness may encourage similar behavior in your opponent. Gentleness is especially appropriate if the person who wronged you is experiencing unusual stress... . !. Replace anxiety with prayer. The third step in developing a godly attitude toward conflict is to get rid of anxious thoughts. Paul is not just talking about trivial concerns . Merimnao , the Greek word translated as "anxious," means laden with cares and trouble, pressured, squeezed, burdened, under stress . These feelings tend to multiply when we are in the middle of a dispute, especially if it involves a person who is very important to us or if valuable interests are at stake. Since Paul knew that anxious thoughts have a way of creeping back into our minds, no matter how hard we try to ignore them, he instructs us to replace worrying with "prayer and petition, with thanksgiving." When you are in a dispute, it will be natural to dwell on your difficult circumstances or on the wrong things that the other person has done or may do to you. The best way to overcome this negative thinking is to thank God for the many things He has already done for you in this situation (and in others) and to request His assistance in dealing with your current challenges (cf. Matthew 6:25-34).... When you place your focus on God through prayer, you can begin to experience something that does not seem logical: the hostility, anxiety, and inner conflict with which you have been dealing will begin to give way to a peace so unexpected that Paul says it will "transcend all understanding." ...When God works in His people, things begin to happen that don't make sense to the world. This brings Him glory. 4. See things as they really are. As you replace anxiety with prayer, you will be ready to follow Paul's fourth instruction, which is to develop a more accurate view of your opponent. If you respond to conflict like most people, you will tend to focus on the negative characteristics of the person who is disagreeing with you, exaggerating faults and overlooking virtues . The more distorted your perspective becomes, the more likely you are to imagine the worst about your opponent, which may lead you to misjudge completely his or her values, motives, and actions. A negative perspective usually also leads to bitterness, to dwelling on your hurt and thinking how undeserving of it you are. The best way to overcome this prejudicial tendency is to think deliberately about aspects of your opponent that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable- in short, "excellent, or praiseworthy." Paul is not saying that we should think only about the good things in others, for he clearly understands the necessity of confronting sin and encouraging repentance (Galatians 6:1-2; Colossians 3: 16). Rather, Paul is teaching us to counterbalance our natural tendency to focus only on what is bad in those who oppose us. This change does not come about naturally for most of us. It requires a deliberate decision, followed by perseverance. If you shift your focus to positive things, you can experience the principle described in Proverbs 11 :27: "He who seeks good finds good will, but evil comes to him who searches for it."... Even if a change in focus does not allow you to overlook every offense, it can often help you in two other ways. First, by recalling what is good in another person, you often will realize how much you will lose if your differences Torch 7