Torch, Fall 1993

w rge has worked hard for gz~o~hree decades to provide for his family. While he had hoped for more time at home, his wife, Mary, assumed much of the day-to-day oversight of their four children in his absence. Luke, their youngest child, was Mary's "baby." During his high school years she was critical of the girls he dated, even though they were all Christians. As Luke had always been sensitive to his mother 's wishes, he never dated the same girl more than twice. When he brought Sharon home from college at Thanksgiving, Mary was distantly polite to her and the entire weekend was tense. With his mother 's disapproval so evident, Luke felt embarrassed as he asked his parents ' approval to marry Sharon after graduation. George was supportive, but Mary was not. She had established a dependence on her son to compensate for a deteriorating marriage union. While neither Mary nor her husband would consider divorce, she had found in her son a confidant and sympathizer unavailable in her husband. Can George and Mary build a better marriage before their problems further threaten their son's relationships? What should they expect of their marriage? Eric and Allison have two daughters, ages two and four. They live in a small, two-bedroom apartment, where Allison spends most of her time caring for the girls. One year ago, Allison discovered that Eric was unfaithful. Eric appeared to be truly sorry (she had never seen him cry before). He insisted it would never happen again and sought employment elsewhere since the other woman was a work associate. Eric's new job required that they sell their home and move to another town. They lost several thousand dollars on the sale of their home, and Eric's new job paid less than his previous one. Since most of Allison's income would go for child-care costs, she preferred to stay home with the girls. Now Eric and Allison are separated from family and friends, and they have yet to find a church they like. Eric wants to buy another home, so he has taken on a second job. While he has given Allison no reason to doubt his faithfulness at this time, she still finds it difficult to trust him. Her social world is limited to preschoolers, and resentment toward Eric is growing. Both partners have privately wondered, "Should we stay together?" These two hypothetical families remind us that husbands and wives must work at their marriages to sustain them. In the past, social supports and taboos kept marriages intact, but those are almost non-existent in the 1990s. The questions raised by these families are critical for all couples: Why should we remain married? and What should we expect of our marriage? !]Jod W:~~(,J . Latter twentieth century Ame~ culture offers Christians no help in answering these questions. On the individual level, we have been told that marriage exists for our personal satisfaction. If a marriage is "paying low dividends," then we tend to find personal reward elsewhere- whether in the children, employment, or another partner. On the societal level, our culture emphasizes principles of division rather than union. Individual rights, non-invasion of privacy, and lack of accountability are the order of the day. It is little wonder that today 's youth prefer to cohabit before establishing a legal marriage. The only reasons they hear for maintaining legal marriages are those tied to "traditional values." Those values suggest that we remain married for the sake of the children, for the sake of family reputation, and for the betterment of a dysfunctional society. God 's children are to sense a higher calling for maintaining their marriages. Marriage is to be much more than a microcosm of democracy- it is a reflection of the glory of God. Failure to see how our marriages can glorify God and honor His Son will result in our seeking mutual compatibility, social acceptance, a good cook, wage earner, entertainer, or convenient sex partner. That brings us back to living for ourselves rather than doing homage to the living and true God (1Thessalonians1:9). Just as eating and drinking are not ends in themselves, so it is with marriage– "Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31). The marriage union was established in the Garden of Eden, when God declared it was not good for Adam to be alone. The Lord then put Adam to sleep, removed one of his ribs, transformed it into the first woman, and presented her to Adam as his wife. Scripture describes this union as two people becoming "one flesh." No other human relationship brings two persons closer together than marriage. The trinitarian nature of God is such that the three persons of the Godhead are one God, and this plurality in unity is most clearly mirrored in marriage when two become one. /jfod 67/ww<l ~ ciYCxo dh PBe dfo'adh/d ~~~ 'Pf>~ On several occasions in His revelation, God uses the analogy of marriage to portray His relationship with His people. One of the most startling instances is that of the Old Torch 7