Torch, Fall 2001

Fall 2001 / TORCH 5 I woke up in the hospital, asking for Jonathan. I knew there was something wrong because he was not there with me. I can still picture my dad weeping over me in the hospital room, telling me that Jonathan had died. I was numb and didn’t know how to feel. I was filled with memories of him. I was not able to attend my fiancé’s funeral because I was still in the ICU, and doctors weren’t sure if my condition was stable enough. When I found out that I missed Jon’s funeral, it broke my heart. But when I was told that six people were saved and many lives were changed, I had amazing peace that could only have come from God. When I returned home, my heart felt like it had broken into a million pieces. I wanted to pick up the phone to call Jon and ask how his day went or to tell him something that had happened to me that day. At that point, I had the choice to either become bitter or to trust God. I knew that Jon would never have wanted me to become bitter. A picture of our last night together flashed in my mind. It was Wednesday night prayer meeting, and we were praying together. I can still hear Jon asking God for His will in both of our lives. Jon would have graduated in June with high honor, but his testimony to those people and the reward that he received in heaven are far more valuable. A verse that helps me is Mark 8:36, “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” I’ve spent a lot of time praying and reading about heaven, thinking how wonderful it must be for Jon. By God’s grace, I was able to return to Cedarville this past Winter Quarter. It wasn’t easy for me, and there is no way I could have done this without God’s help. Memories of Jon were everywhere I went. I had memories of him competing with the intramural teams and playing his trumpet in pep band. Jeremiah 29:11-13 has given me peace as I graduate and am unsure about my future: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’” If you remember anything that I have said here, remember that you don’t have to have the perfect plan for your life because God already does. I can still hear Jon asking God for His will in both of our lives. T