Torch, Spring 1995

I was medically retired as of January 10, 1995. I am currently listed in the liver transplant program of the University of Nebraska Medical Center program. The Lord miraculously provided the opportunity for me to finish my developmental pediatrics fellowship at the medical center's Department of Rehabilitation and Genetic Medicine, where I currently work. My supervisors are very understanding and allow me to leave early to get the rest I need. Most days, I work a full day, and the Lord enables me to "push" through my fatigue. I have had some worsening problems with mental confusion at times , but so far they have been easily managed with diet and medication. Marilyn and I minister in our 134-voice choir every Sunday and attend a small group Bible study each week. I am also able to be involved with our daughters' activities. TORCH: How have others supported you? God graciously gave to me my wife, Marilyn, who has been my rock on this earth. She never allows me to pity myself and always spurs me on to continue. While our life has been stressful and chaotic lately, our love is continually strengthened. Marilyn was given a verse from the Lord when I was initially diagnosed with liver disease. This verse has sustained our family : "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). Another is "Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:30-31). And finally, "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of 12 Torch the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27 :13-14 NIV). In our Tacoma church, I was a covenant care group lay pastor. These care groups met during the week to study the Bible and be accountable to one another. We also spent time in prayer for any physical, spiritual, or emotional needs. We actively took care of each other during times of illness. The Lord had long before shown me the value of serving others as a way to come out of my self-pitying, whining behavior with my chronic illness. My father accompanied me to Wilford Air Force Base Medical Center where I was first listed for liver transplantation. I was able, because of my illness, to spend time with my father. It was a dividend of God 's grace. My father was able to be with me during each step of evaluation. We ate every meal together for two weeks. He is a godly man and he was able to provide the spiritual encouragement that I needed. My entire family and Marilyn's family have always supported us in prayer and in many other ways. The Lord has richly blessed us. Our network of friends and our pastors have also greatly encouraged us. They help us with many of the details of everyday life. They are always willing to help us with child care when I am in the hospital. This brings us great comfort. I also thank friends around the world for their prayers. I receive cards and letters of support regularly. TORCH: What lessons has God taught you as you've gone through this trial? In the past, I asked for complete healing, but I have come to realize that He wants me to endure this trial as a testimony of His ability to carry me through it. Every step of the way, day by day- and for me sometimes it's minute by minute- I have seen the Lord 's sovereignty. I used to think I had given my life to God, but in reality I was really still in control. Now, as I daily release control, He can lead and show me His merciful care and love. My faith increases and he shapes me into what I should be. Our circumstances are stressful, but we have a lot of hope and have learned to tum things over to the Lord. I really do not worry about the waiting period for my life-saving liver transplant because I have chosen to wait for the Lord's timing. He has shown me that His timing is so perfect. I ask myself, why would I ever want to be in control? TORCH: What would you share with others as they are faced with similar trials? Remember all He has done for you to show His love. Study His Word and learn from the testimonies of Abraham, Daniel, Job, Joseph, Paul, and many others. God gives us salvation through the blood of His own Son who now resides with the Father. We can't control the future, so why not trust the sovereign God of the universe? He is in control of everything. Even when you cannot see His hand, you can trust Hirn in every circumstance of your life. As you trust Hirn, He draws you to Himself. Even in the ups and downs and anxieties, underneath there is peace and joy and hope-as you wait on Hirn.