Torch, Summer 1985

Granted, not all respond. Not every– one wants to be His friend (John 1: 12). Nor should we expect that all will want a meaningful relationship with the lives of others. We must do this trusting that soon others may enrich us with their friendship . The opposite of this kind of love is not hate but Relationships. To be without them is to be truly poor. us. It won't happen, and we couldn't handle the responsibility if it did. Don't let rejection deter you - take the initiative! As Proverbs says, "A man that hath friends must show him– self friendl y" (Proverbs 18 :24). A cross-stitch in our home when I was growing up read, "Friends are like melons . Let me tell you why . To find a good one you must one hundred try ." ACCEPTANCE - Christ receives me just as I am. He doesn't like everything about me, nor does He condone all my behavior, but He is my friend. He cares for me and en– courages me to become more of what I should be for Him . An insightful person wrote, "You can always tell a real friend. When you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't think you've done a permanent job." Harriet Beecher Stowe said, "Everyone should have a fair sized cemetery to bury the faults of their friends." Care for people and take them as they come. George Eliot captured the essence and pleasure of a good relationship: "Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort, offeeling safe with a person. Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together, know– ing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keep– ing, and then with a breath of kind– ness blow the rest away." LOVE - Christ gave Himself sac– rificially for us (Romans 5:8; He– brews 4: 15 , 16). A sense of selfless giving to the needs of people around us is the central point of good re– lationships. Even Christ perceived Himself primarily as a servant (Mat– thew 22:28; Philippians 2:3-8). We too must enter our relationships look– ing for ways to enrich and enhance selfishness. Selfishness destroys re– lationships. The popular man who said, "I have friends I haven't even used yet," was bound not to have them for long . LOYALTY - Christ is intensely loyal to us. He represents us in the best light to His Father in heaven and defends us against the accusations of Satan (Revelation 12: 10; IJohn 2: 1). Friends promote and defend. He also loyally stands by. His commitment never to leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5) guaran– tees His presence. A widow whose heart was crushed told me a friend had put her arms around her and just held her tight without saying a word. She said, "Pastor, it was like the arms of God around my life." Being quietly, loyally available is the mark of a true friend. VULNERABILITY - Relation– ships are risky. In the process of relating to others we will be taken ad– vantage of, misunderstood , rejected, and maligned. There are careless people in our world - shallow, insen– sitive, selfish people. We are often called on to relate to them. To be faithful to our stewardship before God we must be willing to run the risk, as Christ did. That risk took Him all the way to the cross . Becom– ing vulnerable requires that we believe God will care for us and our reputations. It demands a commit– ment to the urging of Christ to "love your enemies, bless them that curse you . . . , pray for them which despite– fully use you ... " (Matthew 5:44). INTEGRITY - Christ is always lovingly honest with us (John 14) . No relationship can be built on a dis– honest foundation. Integrity demands that we admit when we are wrong and humbly seek forgiveness. Integrity demands that we refuse to manipulate through flattery or intimidation. It demands that we speak the truth in love, in the right place, at the right time, in the right way. He is always honest with me about who He is and about who I am. He never plays games . PRIORITY - Christ has made my relationship with Him a priority . He is committed to keeping it and help– ing me grow. My relationship with Him is more important than how I have hurt Him; therefore He forgives me (Ephesians 4:32). My relation– ship with Him is more important than the past; therefore He never holds it against me (Hebrews 8:12; 10:17). My relationship with Him is more important than all the material things of this world; therefore , He willingly gave them up for me (II Corin– thians 8:9). It is more important than His status and personal comfort (Philippians 2:5-9). Friends of mine taught me a great lesson about the priority of relation– ships. I had broken a treasured pos– session of theirs and was sick about it. To my comfort they warmly said, "It's all right; people are more impor– tant to us than things." They valued relationships above temporal treasures. The model of Christ's relationship to us is both stimulating and instruc– tive. His goal is intimacy (John 15: 1-7). He desires us (Revelation 3:20). It is so like our Lord to understand the im– portance of friendships and to be undaunted in the pursuit of them. If we are to be like Him we too must value and pursue effective relation– ships. Rev. Joseph M. Stowell is Senior Pastor of the Highland Park Baptist Church in Southfield, Michigan. He is a graduate of Cedarville College and Dallas Theological Seminary. Active in international missions, conference and seminar work, he is also the author of two books . He has served as guest Bible teacher on the "Dallas Today" and "Word of Life" radio programs and recently began his own radio ministry entitled "Heartstyle." 7