Torch, Summer 1989

Nothing But Wind Tire • •na by Morris Chalfant ness ... a considerate act or remark. " Ralph Waldo Emerson penetrated to the heart of the word when he wrote, "Love is the basis of courtesy." One marriage counselor says , "Lack of courtesy on the part of the husband or wife is the basic cause of 80% of the coldness and estrangements, if not absolute quarrel s and separation, in mar– ----------------~ ried life." A lack of courtesy also allows a coldness to develop between parents and child. And since courtesy is born in the atmosphere of the home, children in their relationship to others, in a large measure, reflect that atmosphere. A leisurely, gracious, serene, and happy atmosphere will do more than a dozen commands. Courtesy is a lubricant to almost any situation , yet its simple function is often misunderstood by non-practitioners. During a mission to the United States during World War I, Marshal Foch was buttonholed by a noisy Babbitt who launched into a tirade against the "spurious courtesy" of the French. '---------------------' "There is nothing in it but wind," he A doctor devoted as much of his time as he could to a charity clinic . One day an elderly gentleman was ushered into the physician 's private offices downtown . "Remember me, Doctor?" the man asked. "You treated me over at the clinic. I've come into some money lately, and I can afford to pay for the services of a doctor now." "But what made you come to me?" the physician wanted to know. "I wasn ' t the only doctor who treated you at the clinic." "I know," the old man said quietly. "But you were the only one who helped me with my coat." A general complaint heard by those who have lived through the last 25 years is the gradual disappearance of courtesy, politeness, and gentleness among men. But there 's no point in writing a lamentation about it; it is better to recall courtesy's true nature. Empathy, imagination, tact- all are ingredients of courtesy which the dictionary defines as "gracious polite- sneered. "There is nothing but wind in a tire," said the Marshal politely, "but it makes riding in a car very smooth and pleas– ant. " Courtesy, politeness, good manners– call it what you will-the supply never seems to equal the demand . "It 's not so much what my husband says," a tearful wife confides, "as the way he says it. Why does he have to yell at me?" Courtesy has come to be a social art. In the company of others it is the expected thing. The absence of cour– tesy immediately marks a person as ignorant, thoughtless, or rude. The lack of courtesy kept one man from being an ambassador of the United States. President William McKinley was considering the appointment of an ambassador to a foreign country. There were two candidates, their qualifications almost equal. An incident, which happened years previously, led McKinley not to choose one of the men. It happened when McKinley was in the House of Representatives . He boarded a streetcar and took the last vacant seat. Soon a washerwoman entered, carrying a heavy basket. She stood near the seat of the man whom McKinley knew, and he shifted his newspaper so as not to see her. McKinley saw the situation from the back of the car and offered the woman his seat so she could rest. The candidate never knew, said McKinley, that this little act of selfish– ness deprived him of the crowning honor of his lifetime. Courtesy says "Please" and "Thank you. " Or sometimes 'Tm son-y'' or "Excuse me. " Other times, "Let me serve you. " Courtesy is found in speaking and doing. Courtesy lives with the happy family , the loving family. Courtesy remembers its manners always, even at home. Sometimes we get the curious idea that we should be courteous to folk s outside our family , but at home it doesn ' t matter. One mother was shocked when her small daughter said to her, "Mother, I wish you would be as nice to us as you are to other people." Suddenly she became aware that she did treat her family differently from friends . We must choose to be courteous and develop the di scipline of courtesy each day . We do not stumble into being a gentleman or a lady. The home that has no time for courtesy will have time for rudeness. The home that does not take time for compliments will have time for complaints. The home that has no time for smiles will have time for frowns. And the home that has no time for sweet, loving words will find time for harsh, critical words. Some years ago a couple was about to celebrate their golden wedding anniver– sary, and a local newspaper sent a reporter for an interview. The husband was at home. "What is your recipe for a long, happy marriage?" the reporter asked. "Well , I'll tell you , young fellow ," the old gentleman said slowly. "I was an orphan, and I always had to work pretty hard for my board and keep. I never even looked at a girl until I was grown.