Torch, Summer 1995

and we each took one of the other two canvassing with us." Rickard believes that the most discerning college students are those whose parents have "been wise enough to give them increasingly weighty opportunities to make their own decisions. Instead of always giving answers right away, the parents learn when their children are ready for more responsibility by seeing how they handle the small things on a daily basis." These successful parents also do their best to keep lines of communication open. Roy says , "We have tried to do our best to teach our sons in a biblical manner, then be trusting, not looking over their shoulders . We established the groundwork early so we never had a lot of problems with the boys bringing unacceptable things into the home. Perhaps they tried things I thought were bad for them more than I realized. But I think when one of my sons made a mistake, he knew it. So when I found out, I tried to be calm and quiet, not rant and rave. The logical thing is to expect reaction, but I don't think Christ handles our situations that way. He shows compassion and righteous judgment." Rickard calls it "modeling Psalm 91:2" which says, "I will say of the LORD, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. " According to Don, "When parents listen to the child and help him talk through issues, they become that child's refuge. They keep the door open to communication by helping the child make his own decision, rather than just telling him what to do. Being a refuge means letting the child make mistakes, not forcing him to make decisions just to please you." Alberta remembers that she always told her sons , " If you get in trouble, you'd better come tell me, because if I hear it from someone else, I won't even know your side of it." When one of the Carr boys threw a ball that broke the windshield of a new car in the school parking lot, he immediately went into the cafeteria and found his dad to tell him what had happened, drawing incredulous looks and comments from other students and teachers. But Roy went with his son to the football coach who owned the car and helped him work through the insurance questions. "He didn 't have to face that man alone because he was willing to go immediately and tell his dad what happened," Alberta states . Finally, discernment is not just a matter of avoiding evil, but of approving the good- and seeking for the best. Sandi recalls a special time with her daughter. "Amy was 16, and was in a dating relationship for the first time. She had been going out with the young man for about four months , and he was nice. There was nothing wrong with him, she just knew he wasn 't the one for her. In the car one day, she started crying and told me she was going to break up with him. She said, ' I believe that no boyfriend is better than the wrong boyfriend.' I looked at her and said, 'I could never have said that when I was 16. That is a very mature decision."' One of the Rickard boys, already attending Cedarville College, had a desire to attend West Point, but wasn 't sure about the decision. Don told him, "You 're young. If you don ' t make a concerted effort now, you '11 never know what could have been. Now's the time to stretch yourself. " He did, and he made it into West Point. These parents taught their children discernment by helping them sift everything through the filter of God 's Word. Through open communication and a godly example, they helped their sons and daughters develop the God– given ability to choose the best way in situations of increasing responsibility. Now the teaching continues as these experienced parents share their stories and suggestions with their married children, and other young parents like me. I hope and pray that my children will "get" the blessings of parents devoted to teaching and modeling biblical discernment. Doug Miller, a 1985 graduate of Cedarville College, has served as director of public relations since 1991. Having earned a master's degree from the University of Arizona in 1988, Miller has accepted a university fellowship from The Ohio State University to enroll in graduate school full -time this fall. He will pursue his doctorate in business administration while retaining his residence in Springfield , Ohio . Torch 13