Torch, Summer 2001

John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son ...”. It’s the word in I Corinthians 13:13 where “the greatest of these is love.” And in Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrated His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Phileo is seldom found in the New Testament, but agape is found more than 200 times. The impression should be that agape-love is a very important concept to God. If you will grasp in some measure agape- love, it will transform your life. A proper understanding of agape-love will certainly transform a husband’s relationship with his wife and will transform the way a husband treats his wife. Agape-love is not based in emotions, which is how we usually think about love. Falling in love is an emotional occurrence—an erotic event. But, staying in love is a logical process. It is a deliberate, planned experience. That’s why we have to think about loving our neighbors or loving our enemies. To love your wife, as Paul insists husbands must, is not an emotional occurrence. It has to be logical and predetermined. It is an exercise of the mind and the will apart from emotions and feelings. One of my friends from college and seminary was a pastor in the Midwest. I’d even held evangelistic campaigns for him. One day he called me and said, “Are you sitting down?” and I said, “Should I?” and he said, “Please do. I am divorcing my wife.” I asked him, “Why in the world are you getting divorced?” He said, “Paul, I have about as much feeling for [my wife] as I would someone I pass in the grocery aisle. I’ve lost all feeling.” Then he made the mistake of asking me, “Paul, do you have any recommendation?” I said, “Absolutely!” And I yelled into Summer 2001 / TORCH 9 in our culture, but it is the least common in the Bible. And yet, our culture would define love primarily in this sensual context. Many people, especially men, talk in terms of love when they really mean sex. But the words are not synonymous. Don’t be fooled. There can be the sex act without any love and there can be real love without any sex. The second Greek word is phileo . This word is about human affection and concern. That is where we get our word “philanthropy,” which means “a love of mankind.” Philadelphia is called the City of Brotherly Love because its name is from this same root word. This term means “to cherish.” You will find this term used in Matthew 10:37 and in John 11:3, 36 in the description of the love that Jesus had for Lazarus. The third Greek word is agape . It’s the word used in The Loving Leader Continued on page 11