Torch, Winter 1983

RESERVED PARKING Handicapped: God's Handiwork. M y daughter Sandi has cerebral palsy. This disability is caused by lack of oxygen to the brain at birth . Cerebral palsy is not a progressive disease, but it is permanent. I was 27 years old when Sandi was born and I was excited about my new challenge . However, I was doubly challenged: I had no experience as a mother and no preparation for the years ahead as a mother of a child with a physical disability. I rallied to the cause but very soon my confidence was shaken. I did not know the Lord until Sandi was seven years old and , needless to say , they were difficult years. When Sandi was 18 months old , I gave birth to our second child , Julie. Many years later we came to see that Julie was God's gift, in a very special way , to Sandi. Outwardly , we appeared to be the happy average American family: two lovely children , a mother, and a father . I did not feel so lovely . The years of trying to assume responsibility for Sandi ' s special needs were taking their toll. I had fears about everything from her eating to her not sleeping. My fears grew and my anxiety increased until it was no longer just an emotional difficulty , but it caused me to become physically ill , as well. At this point in my life , Sandi was two and Julie was six months old. Sandi could not crawl and required as much attention and assistance as Julie. And , my own physical condition had reached the point where I had great difficulty in getting around . Often I would sit on the floor to feed the children. In fact, I spent a good part of the day down at floor level because the pain and swelling in my joints caused so much discomfort getting up and down . Little did my babies realize that their mother felt just as helpless and limited as they were. I struggled through that time in my life trying to use my own strength and resources. It was impossible for me to feel in control and yet I thought I had to be. As our children grew. so did my fears and anxieties. What would Sandi ' s future be? Was I doing the right things for her? Was she ever going to walk? Would she be made fun of out in society? Would people understand her when she spoke? Would she have friends? The list went on and on and every day was a day of wondering and worrying for me.