Torch, Winter 1983

When Sandi was seven years old, we had to move to a new home and that meant new people . I wondered how we would be received. God planted us right where He wanted us because it was through the testimony of a dear neighbor that I came to know the Lord as my personal Savior. She invited my girls to Vacation Bible School and I insisted that I had to go along. After all, who would make sure Sandi was taken care of? She accepted my indulgence without comment and away we all went. It was through the VBS and then attending Sunday school that Sandi accepted Christ as her Savior. Those precious saints of God loved her right into God's family. I was a bit skeptical but not for long. I accepted Christ two weeks after VBS and my life began to take on new meaning. As a family, we attended a Bible-teaching church in our local area. I leaned heavily on my new found family. Their testimony and inner strength were what I knew I needed. They often listened to my concerns and fears and prayed with me. Somehow, I knew that I was depending on them for my inner strength. I had not yet recognized the best Source of strength. The Lord saw fit to relocate us again and my old fears returned . I continued to struggle even after accepting Christ. You see , I had tried to hold onto my children for vain reasons . Sandi was given to us by God to care for; therefore , she was our responsibility, not His. How foolish I was and unwilling to let her go. Finally, I could no longer carry the responsibility. One gloomy, fall day , while wailing for Sandi to return home from school, my worry became hysteria . I was no longer able to control myself. I was brought to utter despair through years of trying to carry a burden that I was never intended to carry. Our pastor counseled me and together we called on the Lord. I gave it all to Jesus that day: my fear, my pain, the anger, the sadness, the tiredness, and my sense of inadequacy. I claimed Philippians 4:6,7, and there has not been a day since then that I do not repeat that verse: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. The anxiety went away. God kept his promise. He also healed my physical condition. I have received a clean bill of health from my doctor who thought it not possible . God has given me a new vision for Sandi's life, but He also gave me my physical health . Yet, through my suffering He gave me a sensitivity and an awareness to the physically disabled. It was awareness and sensitivity that I would need to apply to my own child. I do believe God wants Sandi to be in fellowship with His people - right in the mainstream! Loving Christians have shared with me how I had deprived them of the blessings they could have gained from ministering to our needs. Yes, I was protective and defensive - a very effective tool in keeping people at a safe distance . Sandi could not learn a dependency on the Lord until I realized that God, not I, was her source of strength. My biggest problem was in recognizing that I had a problem. Praise the Lord! Sandi has given her life to Jesus and she serves Him with zeal and faithfulness unmatched by most young people. She has led three of her friends to the Lord and she is always burdened for lost souls. She stated a few years ago that she is convinced that if God does not make her walk, she knows He will use her in a wheelchair. There is neither remorse nor self-pity, just the sweet acceptance of the Lord's will for her life. There are special areas of concern in which I'm trusting the Lord for guidance and direction. When one has a child with a handicap, the natural tendency is to overindulge and protect. I still work at overcoming this. The cry so often heard today is that handicapped individuals do not want to be treated differently. This is true . Each time attention is drawn to someone because he is handicapped, he stands out as being different . My daughter gets along far better when she is treated as just one of the kids. Yet, I must admit, I still have a tendency to interfere. My being overindulgent also alienates the other kids from her. I have had to learn to step back and let others get close. I am comforted, remembering that God will hold my hand and Sandi's through each struggle. Siblings of a handicapped child often suffer greatly and develop much resentment toward their brother or , sister, especially if they sense overprotectiveness and undue attention toward that child. Julie has had to assume extra responsibilities around the house. And for this she needs special encouragement and praise. Julie has provided Sandi with experiences that I could never give her. You see, God in His infinite wisdom gave Sandi a wonderful playmate, a companion, and a lifelong friend. Even though at this time in their life there is more murmuring and disputing going on than I would like , there is a special bond between Sandi and Julie. My fears have been quieted and God has indeed helped. I am thankful. I look forward to each day with anticipation and excitement. I know that God has a purpose for me and especially for Sandi . And, I believe I can truly testify that we have been blessed with a handicapped child . Because Sandi's overall muscle control is affected, she is limited in almost all areas of her body movement. She uses a walker to ambulate in small and confined areas and a wheelchair for distances and speed. She received ten years of concentrated therapy: physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. She is now 12 years old and no longer receives any type of therapy. She has a slight speech problem and, although she is able to write, she does most of her homework and correspondence by typewriter. There is a very precious verse found in Isaiah 41: 13: For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not; I will help thee. 13