Torch, Winter 1983

14 continued from page 10 I never would have dreamed then that I would have marital problems . Had people told me then that after only eight and one-halfyears ofmarriage, I wouldfind myself separated and fa cing an impending divorce, I would have told them that they were surely mistaken . They had the wrong couple . This could never happen to us. But what I did not know then was that the disintegration had already begun. We had just not realized the consequences yet . For even though we had all kinds ofhopes and plans for our future life together, God was never at the center of those plans . W hen my former husband and I were separated five years ago , I found myself dealing with feelings of hurt , rejection, and bitterness . At this point , I had a choice to make . I could turn to the world ' s system for a sense of self-worth and what I thought was long overdue fun. Or I could turn to Christ who could change this event in my life into a new beginning with Him. I am so thankful now to say that I chose the latter. This choice was not always clearcut and unfaltering to me . But God , people, and events prodded me along in the right direction . A sense of accountability to God and to people was the focal point for some of the difficult decisions that lay ahead of me. First of all, I had my own family to consider: a five-year-old son and two daughters, ages three and one . Even though they were very young at the time, there was still hurt and bewilderment over the separation. The two older children had been publicly dedicated to the Lord when they were babies. The fact that I now found myself a single parent did not free me from the commitment we had made as a couple . Next , there was the Christian family in which I had grown up . We had always been close , but this trial seemed to draw us even closer. They were there from the beginning with their love, support, and assistance that went above and beyond what most would expect. This kind of love was always there during my growing– up years and I had taken it for granted. Now I truly needed and appreciated it for the first time. Love for and loyalty to my family affected my decisions. My children and I were also part of a church family that has had a profound effect on our lives . Even though my former husband and I had been members as a couple , we had never really felt a part of the church family . Our lack of commitment to Christ had carried over into this part of our life also . We dutifully had attended each Sunday much as we had the chapel services at college . So when our family conflict became serious, I did not turn to the church for direction or comfort . I did not have even one close friend. I put off telling my family as long as possible , hoping the situation would somehow miraculously remedy itself. I was at a loss as to where to turn or what to do . The church eventually found out about the separation through their inquiry about our lack of attendance . All I can say is that they responded by reaching out and pulling us into their circle of love and protection . This response then turned me toward God and my new beginning with Him. For the first time in my life , I started to read the Bible consistently and to pray daily. My pastor directed me to the Book of Psalms for consolation and then to Proverbs for direction . I also now had true friends who made themselves readily accessible to my children and me. All of thi s helped to make the difficult days ahead bearable . After two and one-half years of separation , the divorce became final. One of my first reactions to finding myself without a husband was the desire to find employment. I desperately needed the income, for the child support was not enough on which to live . I was grateful for my parents ' assistance, but did not regard it as a permanent solution to my financial problems . And, my problems did not end when I found a job. There were now other matters with which to deal , one being my children's health. They were at the age when they seemed to catch everything. Due to this, during my first eight months of work , I was absent so much I received only two full paychecks . I mentioned this and other areas of concern to my pastor. He told me that he felt that God was using these problems to show me that my place was in the home caring for my children. I agreed that this would be ideal , but our situation was far from the ideal . It was a simple matter of fact to me that I needed income to make the mortgage payments , to pay the utility bills , and to provide other basic necessities. My pastor then suggested that I allow church family to minister to my children and to me by taking care of these matters for us . After I recovered from the initial shock of this suggestion, I really balked. My first thoughts were that I could take care of myself. What would people think of the church helping to support my children and me? I did not think I could stand being in such a humble position . It was summer and I was not working.So I had this period of time to consider Pastor' s offer. I considered it , and I struggled with it. I was determined right up until the end of the summer to return to work. Then the Lord made me realize that I had my priorities out of His order. I was putting my pride ahead of the best I could offer my children - a full -time mother in their home . I have never regretted my subsequent decision to remain at home . I have been able to see the eternal value it has brought into the lives of my children and myself. The Lord is such a real part of our family since He is the Head of our home and our Helper in the time of need . He not only has met our basic needs but has shown us His promise in Psalm 21:2 by providing our hearts ' desires. One of the goals my son set for himself this past summer was to read through the Book of Psalms . He came to me and read the last portion of Psalm 10: 14: ... Thou art the helper of the fatherless. He then underlined this in his Bible and said that God had really been this to him . I told him that God has been and always would be a Father to him and his sisters. Isaiah 54:5a expresses what He is to me: For thy Maker is thine husband. The Lord makes our family complete . We could not ask for greater hope or peace in facing our future together. 0