Torch, Winter 1991

--------------------------------- had freshened up when the surgeon arrived for her daily visit. We chatted and then she asked me, "Rebekah, when are you taking the baby home?" "Taking the baby home?" I exclaimed. "You said she was dying! I haven ' t even seen her. " The doctor explained that the baby was stabilizing. She could no longer stay at the hospital. We should prepare for her to go home with the understanding that at any time I could find her blue in her bed or even dying in my arms. Babies with her special conditions have lived as long as nine months. I burst into tears. Hadn ' t I gone through enough already? Inwardly, I knew I needed to turn to the Lord and cry out for the special wisdom and grace He promises for hard times. I didn 't know my heart could hurt so deeply. I began to read the Psalms. There I found God's encouragement for me. Psalm 18:30,31 stated, "As for God, His way is perfect. The Word of the Lord is proved. He is a shield to those who trust in Him." One phrase jumped off the page. "The Word of the Lord is proved." Through my tears I told the Lord He was going to have to prove to me that He could caITy me through this trial, for this was something I could not do in my own strength. The anticipation of seeing our daughter for the first time was frighten– ing. What would our hydrocephalic baby look like? I was glad Ron would be with me. We put on the special gowns and then she was wheeled over to me. Her head was large, as large as an adult's. In fact, her skin was so tightly stretched that she could not close her eyes. But she was beautiful. I exclaimed, "Oh, Ron , she has my fingers and your ears! " Almost at first glimpse, we were bonding with our special daughter, the one God had made just for us. We had not named her at this point. In light of the prediction that this child would not live, a friend had advised us not to use the name we had chosen. Instead, she encouraged us to trust the Lord for another child. Amazingly, the nurses in the preemie nursery had already named her Angel. Because her head was so large, soft, and heavy they would roll cloth diapers and form a ring or donut into which her head could rest. The effect resembled a halo. Hence the name. Because she was born in April, we chose the name Angel April Coriell. We returned to my hospital room overjoyed and at the same time puzzled as to how we would manage Angel April at home. I called Ron 's mother and mine for help. We were shocked to learn that my mom could not get time off from work and Ron 's mother was having emer– gency surgery! Since Ron was teaching school, he would be home only a few hours a day. Again, I needed to remind myself that God had promised peace, wisdom, joy, strength, and goodness to come through the trials He sends us. It is hard enough for new parents to bring home a normal baby. Our task seemed impossible until our church stepped in with meals and assistance. Friends helped with shopping and baby sitting when I needed some rest. I understood in a whole new way the love of Christ when it was expressed through tangible acts such as these. After several days Angel began vomiting and had to be readmitted to the hospital. When she stabilized a few days later, the doctor warned us that we would have to find another place for our baby as the hospital could not keep her. Furthermore, he said Angel was still too sick to come home. What other place is there for such children? We didn ' t have a clue. The doctor suggested we return the next morning to pick up our child. That night Ron and I got down on our knees and cried out to God. Did He know of a place for Angel? He did. Early the next morning we were awakened by a phone call. The doctor said Angel had taken a turn for the worse , and we needed to come imme– diately. When we aITived, he shared with us that Angel had passed away at five o'clock in the morning. Yes, God knew a place for our Angel. She was with the other angels. The doctor asked permission to keep our daughter for a few days so that some tests could be run to help them with other children like ours. We said yes and left with a mixture of soITow and relief. It was Sunday morning, and we were dressed up, so we decided to do what we always do, go to church. We were hurting, and it would be good to have the family of God close by. We could still make it for morning worship. We arrived just as the service was beginning. Not wanting to give sorrowful news and spoil anyone 's worship, we waited in the car until after the opening hymn. Then we went lll. Guess where the usher had to seat us? Up front, of course! I suppose the Lord wanted no distractions to hinder the message He had for our hearts. The soloist sang, "He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater. ..." We needed that song. Then came the message. A Mother' s Day message. We had forgot- ten what Sunday this was. But, we needed that message. Then with the close of the service came the time once a year when all the new parents dedicated their babies to the Lord in a public way. So up to the altar, right in front of us , came a score of proud moms and dads with their cooing babes. WE DIDN'T NEED THAT! But as I sat there , I thought over the events of the past weeks. I was reminded that God had supplied our every need. The words of the morning hymn had reminded me that burdens only multiply His grace to us. And our pastor's message made it clear to me that children are special gifts from God--gifts that would build His charac– ter in us. I felt an amazing peace as I sat in front of all those parents. They were holding their children. God was holding mine. That was nearly 20 years ago. As I reflect upon those days, I am grateful to the Lord for choosing us to have such a special baby. Ron and I were drawn closer together, perhaps more quickly than usual for a young couple. We learned about the value of a church family as it had opportunity to express love corporately and in special, individ– ual ways. We learned about funerals with the help of our wise pastor and how to spend appropriately. At Angel ' s memorial service the gospel was clearly presented to the unsaved friends with whom Ron taught. Perhaps most wonderful was the fact that Heaven seems much more special to me. I have someone I love waiting for me there. A "heartstring to heaven." Oh, one more thing. Our doctor told us that chances were high that I could have another special baby like Angel. What a fearful thought. And what if I never had another girl? Today I am happy to testify that God does not operate according to chance. May I introduce you to my Jessica, Jennifer, and Johanna. Rebekah Coriell and her husband Ron present popular seminars on parenting. They also co-authored a series of 24 booklets on character building and two books on the topic. She is a 1970 graduate of Cedarville College.